My Favorite Movie of 2003: Nothing!

Threw you for a loop there didn't I? I originally said Bad Santa was my favorite movie of 2003, but actually it's just the first movie that comes alphabetically of all the movies I've seen from 2003, I actually hate Bad Santa a lot. What is my real favorite movie from 2003, then? Well, I really don't  have a favorite when it comes to 2003, just a few movies that I liked, but didn't love. Most of the movies I've seen from 2003 include such popular movies like Kill Bill Vol. 1, Old School, and The Matrix Reloaded, but looking at how easy it was for me to pick my favorite movie of every other year, 2003 is what I like to call my Year of Parity (Of Great, But Not Awesome). My most-liked movies from 2003 are Bruce Almighty, Cabin Fever, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Phone Booth, Terminator 3, The Last Samurai, and X2. Each of those 7 movies were very widely watched and really are nothing special in the long run.

Bruce Almighty was Jim Carrey's return to comedy and it was funny because we were so used to seeing him do serious roles. Cabin Fever is very standard teen horror movie fodder as far as the premise goes, but it was actually frightening that these people who are supposedly friends could turn on each other so easily. Kill Bill Vol. 1 is a great movie to watch as long as you either haven't watched Kill Bill Vol. 2 yet or refuse to acknowledge its existence. Phone Booth has an interesting plot but goddamn, I fucking hate Colin Farrell. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is by far the best action movie of 2003, but it doesn't capture the same charm that the first or second movie had, mostly because Nick Stahl is a terrible actor and he's the lead character. Claire Danes was unfortunately cast as a replacement about 3 days into filming and did not get a chance to read the script beforehand, so I don't hold her performance against her. The Last Samurai, while seeming like an incredibly fictional tale, takes 2 real incidents and fuses them into one story while changing the nationality of the main character. I can't even publicly express why I like The Last Samurai because ignorant people claim stupid shit like "IS TOM CRUISE THE LAST SAMURAI? THAT'S STUPID, HE ISN'T EVEN JAPANESE" and other equally stupid questions. Probably my main problem with that movie that stops it from being my favorite is the amount of historical inaccuracies that happen. X2: X-Men United is clearly the best X-Men movie, but compared to every other movie I've seen from 2003 it's just average fare.

Now we turn to the award winning movies. Generally speaking, the Academy Awards given out for Best Adapted/Original Screenplay are the "real" winners of Best Picture and the award for Best Picture is purely political. For 2003, the winners were Lost in Translation and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. I haven't seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy and I don't plan to; there's only a certain amount of the fantasy genre I can tolerate. While I haven't seen Lost in Translation, I've heard very few negative comments on it and I keep putting off when I'm going to see it. Maybe I'll like Lost in Translation as my favorite movie of 2003, I don't know yet.

Next week it's time for the most disgusting political satire movie of all time, Team America: World Police.

America..... FUCK YEAH!