My Favorite Movie of 2004: Team America: World Police

2004, what a year! There were great movies, there were shitty movies (like every year), and then there was Team America: World Police. I have to start off by saying my 2nd favorite movie that year was The Aviator. The only reason Team America took the #1 spot is because I have yet to memorize the entire script of The Aviator. From the twisted minds of Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the creators of South Park, Team America is mostly a satire on how American culture has changed since 9/11, but the main themes are more generally an acceptance of how American foreign policy is something of a necessary evil. Released only a month before the 2004 general election, many people expected the film to be mostly topical humor bashing both George W. Bush and John Kerry or maybe even Al Gore with his recent documentary, An Inconvenient Truth.

Surprisingly enough, in the world of the movie, the American government seems to be governed only by Team America, an organization made up of Lisa, a psychologist, her boyfriend Carson, Sarah, an alleged "psychic," Joe, a former high school quarterback from Nebraska (making him a natural born leader), Chris, the greatest martial arts expert from Detroit, their leader Spotswoode, and a computer named I.N.T.E.L.L.I.G.E.N.C.E. (No, it's never stated what it stands for). The movie opens with Team America foiling a terrorist plot in Paris, France (while destroying the Eiffel Tower, Arc de Triomphe, and the Louvre), but sadly a terrorist manages to kill Carson just as he has finished proposing to Lisa. Seeking a replacement for Carson, Spotswoode finds talent in Gary Johnston, a Broadway actor currently starring in the play Lease. After eventually convincing Gary to join, the new Team America flies to Cairo, Egypt to foil another terrorist plot.

The rest of the movie proceeds to deal with Hollywood's reaction (specifically the Film Actors Guild, or F.A.G.) to Team America recklessly killing civilians and destroying historical landmarks just to kill a few terrorists who aren't even the masterminds of all the terrorist acts around the world. There are more terrorist attacks and more satire, but the real source of satire are the endless songs parodying animated movies like the South Park movie did.

Team America stands the test of time because it is not simply a criticism of the Bush Administration's policies, but American attitude toward foreign culture, American foreign policy since the 50s, and the overbearing attitude of far-left liberals and far-right conservatives. Next week its time to get a little sexual and dirty with a movie that made us re-examine our attitudes on sex, The 40-Year-Old Virgin.

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies

I've been meaning to review this movie for some time now, what with Superman/Batman: Apocalypse coming out on Tuesday. Superman/Batman: Public Enemies is one of the most well-known stories to come out of DC Comics in the last 10 years that was all hype and no substance, but it is also now more well known for being one of the last stories Jeph Loeb of Batman: The Long Halloween and Batman: Hush fame wrote before his son died. The premise of Public Enemies is that the U.S. economy is in ruins, people are skeptical about their government, and most politicians can no longer be trusted. Seeing an opportunity to run as an outsider to the Washington system, Lex Luthor begins a campaign for president on the Independent ticket. Not far from what could have happened in real life, right? The only exception here, of course, is that superheroes exist in their world. During Luthor's inaugural speech, he sets out to make superheroes arms of the law and to charge other superheroes with vigilantism if they do not comply.

Obviously, Superman refuses because he will never trust Luthor and Batman simply doesn't trust anybody. Luthor knows that Superman will be untrusted towards him, so he goes to meet the man of steel in person, along with his lead bodyguard, Metallo. After Batman helps Superman escape from Metallo's assault, someone (seemingly) murders Metallo and all blame is put on Superman, whom is seen on surveillance camera attacking Metallo earlier in their fight. Luthor puts a $1 billion bounty on the pair, leading both villains and heroes to try to bring them down.

Superman/Batman: Public Enemies marks a little over 10 years since the last time we have heard Tim Daly as Superman alongside Kevin Conroy as Batman, last heard during the Superman: The Animated Series episode "The Demon Reborn." Hearing the pair gives me goosebumps, having flashbacks of when I was in 6th grade back when new episodes of The New Batman Superman Adventures were airing. Although the art can be a bit weird at times, everyone is drawn to look exactly as they did during the original Public Enemies storyline.

Final Score: 3 Superman Chins out of 5
While remaining faithful to the comic, Public Enemies takes plenty of liberties removing extraneous details, compacting the story to 70 minutes, and adding little bits of data here and there. Although the story of Public Enemies isn't the greatest thing in the world, the animation is just stellar and in typical Bruce Timm fashion, doesn't disappoint. There are plenty of cameos and fanservice moments that may cause some fans to squeal in happiness and others to squeal in disgust. Public Enemies should be taken at face value and nothing more than that. In my review of Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths, I did not recommend bothering with Blu-Ray because it was incredibly average fare. This time, I actually recommend getting the Blu-Ray because of how fantastic the animation and sound is.

Look for my Superman/Batman: Apocalypse review in the coming days!

Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps

In 1987, Oliver Stone made a little movie called Wall Street, a tale of Wall Street executives in the midst of the era of Reaganomics (Also, to my shock and utter disgust, Reaganomics is an actual word according to Blogger's spell check). Wall Street served as a cautionary tale, not to let greed get the better of us and to invest in good causes rather than fattening our wallets. The stand-out performance from that film was Michael Douglas as Gordon Gekko, the infamous originator of the phrase, "Greed, for lack of a better word, is good." Douglas well-deservedly won an Oscar for his portrayal as Gekko, but the message of Wall Street was almost completely lost on 15-25 year-olds who were compelled to become just like Gordon Gekko and some would even thank Oliver Stone and Michael Douglas for helping them make a decision on a career. After the Clinton Surplus, it seemed that great things were coming and people had understood the message that Stone was trying to get across. Of course, not many people could have prevented an event like September 11th could happen...

After September 11th, the Bush Administration came up with the greatest excuse to get Americans to go out and shop while also generating near-permanent benefits for the Wall Street fat-cats and investment firms. Outraged that a government could turn its back on its own people while pretending to treat them like babies, Oliver Stone felt it was time to make a Wall Street 2. Thus began one of the most infamous Development Hell cycles in movie history. Although Stone had a clear idea on how the plot should go, most studios felt the film would not be relevant since the stock market was still doing well despite the hiccup after September 11th and the pop of the .com bubble. Of course, once the stock market nearly crashed in 2008, the studios jumped at the opportunity to get Wall Street 2 in theaters as soon as possible.

Not coincidentally, Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps takes place in the weeks before the stock market crash of 2008 and subsequent bank bailout. Gordon Gekko is released from prison a few weeks after 9/11 and begins work rebuilding his name by writing a book, Is Greed Good? Predicting an imminent stock market crash due to the changes in Wall Street policy, the wars in the Middle East, and most significantly, the change in American attitude towards real estate development, Gekko hawks his book nationwide warning people that the only way for young people (meaning Generation Y) to save their financial future is to buy his book.

Outside of Gekko's part in the movie, the plot of this sequel is almost word-for-word identical to the plot of the original, just replacing Gekko and Bud Fox with new characters and slightly different circumstances. Although Gekko was the antagonist in the original, here he serves more as an anti-hero, warning people not to make the same mistakes he did. Along the way, Gekko reunites with his daughter in a scene where he refers to the way Wall Street is practiced as "cancer," in a speech that must have hit eerily close to home for Douglas, what with his very public battle with Throat Cancer and admitting that he was a terrible father to his son, Cameron Douglas.

While the last Wall Street ended with an intended finale of seeing Gekko get what he deserved in being sent off to prison for insider trading, Money Never Sleeps ends exactly as its subtitle describes. Through Bear and Bull, thick and thin, money never sleeps and life goes on. !SPOILER ALERT! At the end of the day, Gekko ends up making a donation with slightly illegal money to a company that is developing fusion technology rather than keeping it for himself. Realizing that being a grandfather will be the most important thing he does with his life, Gekko sees that greed is indeed good, but greed for one's family is more important than for oneself.

Final Score: 4 Too-Big-To-Fail Banks out of 5
In typical Oliver Stone fare, the film doesn't disappoint. One of the film's major problems is pacing; at times the film seems much longer than it really is. I expected the film to end about 20 minutes earlier, but Stone preferred a happy ending to bring hope to a new generation. This is one of Michael Douglas' best performances in years and it won't be a surprise at all if he ends up being nominated for the same role he previously won an Oscar for. As far as Shia LaBeouf? He actually does a great job and accurately portrays a middle-of-the-aisle Wall Street investor interested in his own profits as well as alternative fuel sources. Really, the biggest problem is the pacing.

All-Star Superman - Trailer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zPv6DiA_eM

In the upcoming Superman/Batman: Apocalypse DVD/Blu-Ray, a trailer for All-Star Superman will be included. MTV has managed to sneak a peek at a low resolution copy of the trailer. This is going to be the greatest thing that Bruce Timm will have ever done. Cartoon Network or the CW would have to be fools to not air this movie on broadcast television to get them a guaranteed Emmy.

All-Star Superman - The Return of Your Father's Superman

In 2000, Marvel started the "Ultimate" comics line, a series of comics taking place in its own separate continuity from the mainstream comics, somewhat similar to what DC did with the Earth-One and Earth-Two comics during the 60s and 70s, except it would be restricted to a few series, like Ultimate Spider-Man and Ultimate X-Men, and targeted towards teenagers who would not normally buy comic books. Originally intended to be just a few limited series, the popularity of these comics (most significantly Ultimate Spider-Man) caused Marvel to extend these series into monthly titles and start more titles in this new, Ultimate Marvel Universe. The Ultimate comics also led to a rise in readership among the mainstream titles, saving Marvel from bankruptcy.

Seeing the success of the Ultimate comics, in 2005 DC commissioned Grant Morrison to write All-Star Superman and Frank Miller to write All-Star Batman and Robin, the Boy Wonder. These All-Star comics would not be like Marvel's Ultimate comics, rather, they would be "idealized" versions of popular characters where the authors were given free reign and could basically write anything they wanted to. Like the Ultimate comics, these stories would ignore previous continuity and allow new readers to experience Superman and Batman in a new, refreshed look. All-Star Batman has been more or less a failure as it took 3 years to publish 10 issues, only one issue was published in the entirety of 2006, and the series is still considered "on-going" even though issue 10 was published in August 2008.

All-Star Superman, on the other hand, has been a major success. While it did take a period of 2 years (2006-2008) for 12 issues to be published, they were all timely and all of them were FANTASTIC. Grant Morrison's All-Star Superman is based heavily on the Silver Age Superman and described it himself as being "the re-emergence of the original, Pre-Crisis Superman but with 20 years of history we haven't seen." This can be seen with Clark Kent being a mild-mannered bumbling oaf, Lex Luthor being primarily a scientist, Jimmy Olsen being granted superpowers in one issue and it not being a big deal, and Lois Lane having tried to prove Clark Kent was Superman, but failing every time.

The premise behind All-Star Superman is that Lex Luthor has devised an ingenious plan to cause Superman's death by overexposing his body to solar radiation, causing Superman to gain god-like powers and intelligence, but also causing his cells to slowly convert to pure energy, one by one. Superman decides to keep this a secret from the public and spend as much of his last days as possible with Lois Lane. There is also an underlying subplot revolving around Superman completing twelve challenges before his death, but Superman (and the reader) is only told what four of them are. At the very end of the series, Superman dies while saving the entire solar system.

I'm trying to be as vague as possible about All-Star Superman's plot because it is something that must be experienced on your own; it is very difficult to express in words just how beautifully written and drawn this comic is. With the combination of Morrison's writing and Frank Quitely's art, they create a world where it is completely plausible for people to think that Clark Kent and Superman are two separate people.

Why are you still reading this? Go buy All-Star Superman and read it right now! You will not be disappointed!

Final Score:     5/5

My Favorite Movie of 2003: Nothing!

Threw you for a loop there didn't I? I originally said Bad Santa was my favorite movie of 2003, but actually it's just the first movie that comes alphabetically of all the movies I've seen from 2003, I actually hate Bad Santa a lot. What is my real favorite movie from 2003, then? Well, I really don't  have a favorite when it comes to 2003, just a few movies that I liked, but didn't love. Most of the movies I've seen from 2003 include such popular movies like Kill Bill Vol. 1, Old School, and The Matrix Reloaded, but looking at how easy it was for me to pick my favorite movie of every other year, 2003 is what I like to call my Year of Parity (Of Great, But Not Awesome). My most-liked movies from 2003 are Bruce Almighty, Cabin Fever, Kill Bill Vol. 1, Phone Booth, Terminator 3, The Last Samurai, and X2. Each of those 7 movies were very widely watched and really are nothing special in the long run.

Bruce Almighty was Jim Carrey's return to comedy and it was funny because we were so used to seeing him do serious roles. Cabin Fever is very standard teen horror movie fodder as far as the premise goes, but it was actually frightening that these people who are supposedly friends could turn on each other so easily. Kill Bill Vol. 1 is a great movie to watch as long as you either haven't watched Kill Bill Vol. 2 yet or refuse to acknowledge its existence. Phone Booth has an interesting plot but goddamn, I fucking hate Colin Farrell. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines is by far the best action movie of 2003, but it doesn't capture the same charm that the first or second movie had, mostly because Nick Stahl is a terrible actor and he's the lead character. Claire Danes was unfortunately cast as a replacement about 3 days into filming and did not get a chance to read the script beforehand, so I don't hold her performance against her. The Last Samurai, while seeming like an incredibly fictional tale, takes 2 real incidents and fuses them into one story while changing the nationality of the main character. I can't even publicly express why I like The Last Samurai because ignorant people claim stupid shit like "IS TOM CRUISE THE LAST SAMURAI? THAT'S STUPID, HE ISN'T EVEN JAPANESE" and other equally stupid questions. Probably my main problem with that movie that stops it from being my favorite is the amount of historical inaccuracies that happen. X2: X-Men United is clearly the best X-Men movie, but compared to every other movie I've seen from 2003 it's just average fare.

Now we turn to the award winning movies. Generally speaking, the Academy Awards given out for Best Adapted/Original Screenplay are the "real" winners of Best Picture and the award for Best Picture is purely political. For 2003, the winners were Lost in Translation and The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. I haven't seen the Lord of the Rings trilogy and I don't plan to; there's only a certain amount of the fantasy genre I can tolerate. While I haven't seen Lost in Translation, I've heard very few negative comments on it and I keep putting off when I'm going to see it. Maybe I'll like Lost in Translation as my favorite movie of 2003, I don't know yet.

Next week it's time for the most disgusting political satire movie of all time, Team America: World Police.

America..... FUCK YEAH!

Justice League: The Awesome Frontier

DC: The New Frontier was originally written by Darwyn Cooke as a six-issue limited series in 2003-2004 telling the story of the bridge between the Golden and Silver Ages of DC Comics. Inspired by such works as Kingdom Come, The Golden Age, Watchmen, and Batman: The Dark Knight Returns, DC: The New Frontier borrowed several themes including government mistrust of superheroes, a setting in our past, and the emergence of new superheroes. In 2008, an animated version of The New Frontier was released, taking a few liberties with the story, but all with Cooke's permission and advice.

Like the typical Bruce Timm production, Justice League: The New Frontier has unbelievable animation, character designs accurate to the comic, and stellar voice acting. When viewing The New Frontier, it is important to remember that this was only the 2nd DC Animated Original Movie, produced after Superman: Doomsday. While Doomsday had mixed reviews mostly dealing with the amount of liberties taken with the story, Anne Heche's voice acting, and not casting any of the actors from the DCAU produced by Timm, The New Frontier did its voice casting far better to the point where you could realistically believe every voice actor as being the voice of the Silver Age versions of every character.

Really, this movie was all about proving that celebrity voice actors could work by portraying certain versions of a character. While I criticized Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths for Mark Harmon's, Billy Baldwin's, and Gina Torres' lousy voice acting, they were only a minor setback as the rest of the cast did a stellar job. The New Frontier features no lousy voice actors at all, just disappointment that Jeremy Sisto's portrayal as Batman did not get more lines. While awkward to hear at first, it must be remembered that this Batman is your father's Batman and a medium between the Golden and SIlver Age versions, not the post-Crisis dark knight we know today. I could write paragraph after paragraph saying why each voice actor is great for their own reasons, but I won't because it would just be silly.

One plot point is the reason Batman changes his costume from its original Golden Age version to the famous "New Look" SIlver & Bronze Age version.

The plot is a bit weird and a literal plot device to make the superheroes and the government unite together as one against the main villain, but the majority of the movie is spent establishing the 3 most important new characters of the SIlver Age: the Martian Manhunter, the Flash (Barry Allen), and the Green Lantern (Hal Jordan). A "side-story" involves how the "Trinity" of Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman are dealing with a post-World War II world where Batman and Wonder Woman have been deemed "un-American" by Joseph McCarthy and Superman almost exclusively works for the U.S. government. At the end of the movie, Justice League: The New Frontier can be considered semi-canon to the pre-Crisis DC Universe if Earth-One and Earth-Two were the same planet.

Final Score: 5 Pterodactyl monsters out of 5
The New Frontier isn't just one of the best DC Animated Original Movies, it's one of the better movies of 2008, overshadowed by how unbelievably good The Dark Knight was. If you haven't seen The New Frontier yet, GO WATCH IT RIGHT NOW. You will not be disappointed.

Devil Is Crying

That is the new design for Dante from the just-announced Devil May Cry reboot developed by Ninja Theory. Yes, Dante is smoking and yes, he has black hair. Honestly, I could care less about those 2 things. As a reboot, DmC, as it's currently being called, will feature a new look and background for Dante as well as a new direction. Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening was a prequel that featured a younger Dante barely able to control his demon powers. After the horribleness of Devil May Cry 2, the prequel was heralded as a return to form and a return to the series' roots. Devil May Cry 4 introduced the idea of a new protagonist, Nero, being a semi-reincarnation of Dante's brother Vergil. While the segments of the game played as Dante were awesome as usual, Nero's play-through was seen as boring, obnoxious, and void of the charm that made the 1st and 3rd games fun. So after people praised Dante's story and hated Nero's story, what does Capcom decide to do to Dante?

He looks like a goth version of Nero. There are so many things wrong with this design I can't even begin to describe them. The only thing even remotely Dante-like about him is that he uses 2 guns to fight demons in the trailer. Even Dante's voice actor has changed! Why does Capcom insist on messing with a good thing? All anyone wanted was Devil May Cry 5 starring Dante, Trish, and Lady while forgetting that Nero ever existed. After seeing Marvel vs Capcom 3: FTW featuring Dante and Trish as playable characters, this reboot was probably the least expected announcement from Capcom. The reboot itself has me irked, but the worst announcement of all was that Capcom was giving this reboot to developer Ninja Theory after having worked on the past 4 DMC games in-house. In case you don't know who Ninja Theory is, they're the British developers who made Heavenly Sword, a game with great combat infamously known for how short and easy it is.

Change back Dante's voice actor, change his clothing and build, and maybe I'll be satisfied. If DmC turns out to be a prequel to Devil May Cry 3 and not a reboot, I may get more excited. The trailer to DmC can be seen here: http://www.gametrailers.com/video/tgs-10-devil-may/704493

Update: The general consensus from Capcom's forums, Ninja Theory's forums, 4chan, and 2channel is that Dante's new design sucks shit. That's Capcom's loyal followers, the fans (lolwut) of Heavenly Sword, American internet trolls, and Japanese internet trolls. Clearly Capcom and Ninja Theory fucked up here and they had better quickly change Dante's redesign unless they want to sell zero copies.

Upgraded Rating Format

I went back and retconned some previous posts (and this one, too!) to have graded scores similar to my Other M review. From now on, anytime I review something new (or relatively new) I will give it a score based on the appropriate medium. For games, I'll score Story, Gameplay, Presentation (Graphics and Sound), Replay Value, and an Average Score on the traditional 10-point scale. For movies and comics, I'll score on a strict scale of 1-5. A score of zero is probably not going to happen but we'll see.

The comics rating scale can be read as follows:

1/5:     Burn That Shit!
2/5:     Pass It!
3/5:     Check It Out!
4/5:     Must Read!
5/5:     Own This!


If a comic is going through a story arc I'll provide an additional grade to the entire story arc when it concludes.


The movie rating scale can be read by comparing to these films from the past decade:

1/5:     The Room
2/5:     Spider-Man 3
3/5:     Waiting...
4/5:     Zombieland
5/5:     Toy Story 3

A score of 0/5 for a movie will only be reserved for the worst of the worst. Seeing how infrequently these types of movies, I'll just keep my scale as 1-5. But in the off chance such a bad movie does happen....

0/5:     Battlefield: Earth

Hollywood Award Shows: Why They're "Out of Touch"

According to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, this was the best movie of 2005.

The Emmys and the Oscars, the cream of the crop in awards in television and film. They're also well known today for being almost hilariously out of touch with the general public. Or are they? Are the Emmys really just an organization that is easily influenced by campaigns for votes, "very special episodes," and completely out of character or out of premise episodes? Are the Oscars easily influenced by movies that were not blockbusters, movies written by talented newcomers, or giving awards to people for a lifetime of work even if someone else deserves the award more? Well...... quite frankly, yes.

Most people don't realize this, but the acting and writing awards at the Emmys are awarded for individual episodes, not the past season. Because of this rule, it is not uncommon for shows to contain "very special" episodes. You know the kind of episode, the one where a supporting character with no previous personal problems develops a drug habit, finds out they're adopted, a cousin we never knew existed is gay, a previously unseen parent is revealed to not care at all about their kids, etc.! As such, it is pretty common for someone to win an acting award for an episode deliberately written as what can be called "Emmy Bait." This applies even more so to animated and children shows because they can only apply for one award which is based on one episode. Next time the Emmys are on, do your research beforehand and see what episodes actors and writers are being nominated for rather than the actor's performance overall or the show's writing the past season.

When it comes to the Oscars, politics become even more evident. Although some people believe that the Academy chooses to deliberately nominate poor performing, pretentious, independent movies, the truth is that the voters have poor memories and will generally only remember movies released in the last 2 months before the deadline. As such, studios will sometimes deliberately delay the release of a movie until December, hoping that it will be nominated for as many awards as possible. Of course, this is only a small part of the politics, such as there is Emmy Bait, there is also Oscar Bait.

A gladiator movie. A story about a mentally ill genius. A popular Broadway musical. A fantasy epic. A woman in a man's world told she cannot succeed. People dealing with their racial prejudices. A gangster movie. A movie based on a book of little notoriety. A movie based on another book of little notoriety, but this time taking place in a foreign country. A topical war movie without a political message. Do these movies sound familiar? They should, they are (in order) Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, The Lord of the Rings, Million Dollar Baby, Crash, The Departed, No Country for Old Men, Slumdog Millionaire, and The Hurt Locker: the winners of Best Picture from the last 10 years. Of these 10 movies, seven are considered Oscar Bait. Today, only Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings, and The Hurt Locker continue to get praise.

What about the acting Oscars? How many of those are truly deserved? Out of the 4 acting categories, the winners of Best Supporting Actor and Actress probably deserve their awards the most, but not always. Probably two of those "undeserved" awards recently given out are to Dame Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love and Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine. While there's no doubting their acting talents, the amount of screen time they have in their respective movies is minimal at best. In Dench's case, she was more awarded for her career of work rather than playing Queen Elizabeth for 10 minutes. In Arkin's case, he was awarded for his long career as well as playing a character made memorable by good writing, not good acting.

Holocaust movie. Movie based on a book. Lead character is illiterate. Movie ends with lead actor wearing heavy makeup. Lead actress appears nude. Successfully nominated for tons of awards. Only succeeded in a Best Actress award for Kate Winslet, mostly awarded for her career of work rather than this one film.

Play a real person in a movie. Play someone with mental health issues. Play a real person with mental health issues. Play a real person with mental health issues during the Holocaust. PLAY A REAL PERSON WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES DURING THE HOLOCAUST WHO IS GAY. Oscar. Doesn't fail. Even if the movie itself fails to win Oscars, the actors probably will.

Of course, Oscar Bait doesn't always work....

Movie based on a Broadway musical. Award winning cast. Made by the same crew as a previous Oscar winner. Extremely negative reviews and poor box office returns. Successfully nominated for 4 academy awards and 5 Golden Globes. Yet, it won a whopping zero of those awards.

My Favorite Movie of 2002: Orange County

A film very much featuring the next generation of Hollywood, Orange County stars Colin Hanks (son of Tom Hanks), Jack Black (still only recently coming off his breakthrough performance in High Fidelity) and Schuyler Fisk (daughter of Sissy Spacek) and directed by Jake Kasdan (son of Lawrence Kasdan). Orange County isn't the greatest film in the world, but 2002 in general was a pretty shitty year in movies. The 2nd best movie I saw that year was Minority Report and that isn't saying a lot. Much of 2002 in American cinema was spent getting people's minds off of 9/11 and aiming for either extremely silly comedy or high-octane action. That's why my favorite movie that year was neither, just a simple film that could take place in any year and continues to be relevant.

Shaun Brumder starts off as a typical surfer kid in Orange County, California, not interested in school and leading a carefree life of partying, drinking, and surfing with his friends. After his friend Lonny dies in a surfing accident, Shaun begins to rethink his life until he finds a novel on the beach written by Marcus Skinner. Skinner's novel intrigues Shaun to the point that he is inspired to be a writer and investigate where Skinner is today. After learning that Skinner is a professor at Stanford University, he makes it his goal to become a student at Stanford and eventually have Skinner as his teacher, mostly to escape the realization that he has been living a vapid existence in Orange County and is surrounded by equally superficial people.

One year later, Shaun has become the class president, improved his grades, and scored high enough on the SAT to become a legitimate candidate for being accepted by Stanford. After some terrible advice from his guidance counselor, Shaun decides to only apply to Stanford, but it doesn't matter because his transcript is mixed up with another student's, an extreme underachiever. After his guidance counselor refuses to admit she made a mistake, Shaun's girlfriend Ashley tells him that her friend's father is an administrator at Stanford and has already agreed to see Shaun at his house for an interview. Knowing that his father's house will be a nightmare, he decides to have the interview conducted at his mother's house where he thinks he can successfully hide his alcoholic mother, his drug-addict brother, and his catatonic stepfather. The interview ends up being a disaster as his mother is already drunk when he arrives and his brother, Lance, is desperately searching the house in his underwear for the urine sample he took earlier because his probation officer is meeting with him later. Shaun then pleads with his wealthy father to donate money to Stanford to increase his chances of getting accepted. His father absolutely will not comply because he believes that his dream of being a writer is foolish and he should go into a more stable career path, like business.

Ashley and Lance plead Shaun to go to Palo Alto as a last ditch effort and meet in person with the Stanford admissions director to explain his situation, hoping that the whole predicament will be solved. After the 6+ hour road trip, Lance breaks into the Stanford main office and seduces the secretary while Shaun and Ashley find the admissions director's home address. Although reluctant to accept his transcript so late in acceptance process, the director agrees to an interview based on how stellar Shaun's transcript is and how nice he is. During the interview, the director needs an aspirin and Ashley accidentally gives him LSD from Lance's belongings. Knowing how futile the interview will be with the dean high, Ashley and Shaun leave. Upset at what is most likely his last chance being lost, Ashley reminds Shaun that he is being very selfish in wanting to go to Stanford since if he goes there it will also mean the end of their relationship. Ashley leaves to find Lance while Shaun decides to wander the campus, knowing it will probably be the last time he sees it.

Hanks and Fisk not only look like their famous parents, but their acting is just as good.

Shaun stumbles upon a frat party and decides to check it out, wondering what a college party with intelligent people will be like. He ends up extremely disappointed that the girls at the party are just as vapid, shallow, and superficial as the girls in Orange County. Now cynical about college and the entire trip up north, Shaun by chance runs into Marcus Skinner. Skinner is excited to meet with his fan and notes that he received Shaun's short story about his personal life, saying that he already has the beginnings of a great writer. Skinner tells Shaun that he doesn't need a high intellect environment for inspiration, naming off a few writers who shared Shaun's background of growing up among shallow people. Now believing that just maybe, his background will help his writing rather than hindering it, Shaun decides to go back home with renewed confidence.

Once Shaun, Lance, and Ashley get back home, they find that Shaun and Lance's parents have decided to get back together and to donate the money for a new building at Stanford, hoping it will get Shaun accepted. Ecstatic at this news at first, Shaun sees Ashley's reaction to the news and says there's no need to donate money to the school since he's decided to stay in Orange County. The movie ends with Shaun going surfing with his friends for the first time since Lonny's death.

Like I said before, Orange County was made right on the heels of 9/11 and is one of the few films from 2002 that is not overly cheerful, grim, or action-packed. What makes the movie stand out beyond that is just how relevant the movie remains and hopefully will continue to be relevant in the future. Next week it's time to get really crude with 2003's best: Bad Santa.

Batman #703: The Great Escape

The last Bat-comic published until DC starts their month-long Bruce Wayne - The Road Home two issue per week series, Batman #703 sets up the beginning of the new status quo by ironically being mostly a one-shot story. "The Great Escape" features the return of an old villain, the Getaway Genius, but the story mostly deals with Dick and Damian's relationship as "brothers" rather than as master and student. While Dick learns that he was more impulsive as Robin than he thought, and that Damian actually reminds him much of himself, Damian learns that his father is not the dark avenger of the night that he was raised to believe in. In a side story, Vicki Vale has inadvertently gained some proof as to the identities of the Bat-family, but the big question is will she really be able to prove everyone's identities? Knowing the way comics are written, she won't be able to prove a thing, but it's nice to see an actual intelligent woman with no superpowers who isn't dating or married to a superhero in a comic book.

Obviously, the big question is-is the comic good or bad? Well, it's mostly good. Guest-written by Fabian Nicieza, the regular writer for Red Robin, Nicieza tells a pretty damn good story of brotherhood, but the comic is "ruined" by the artwork. Like I complained about Red Robin's cover artwork, there's a lack of consistency in the models of not just Red Robin's costume, but Batman's and Robin's costumes as well. Red Robin's utility belt on the cover looks just like the belts on his chest, but in-comic his belt resembles the belt on the cover of Red Robin #16, which is also off-model. Not only that, but Red Robin's top is actually a jacket that the utility belt covers and feeds down to just above his crotch. Batman & Robin aren't horribly off-model, but they have three fins on their gauntlets instead of the canon two fins. This is particularly glaring because Batman is front and center on the cover and the first page with 2 different designs. While I blamed the editor for Red Robin's inconsistent appearance on the covers of his comic, this time I blame guest-artist Cliff Richards for getting Batman & Robin's gauntlets wrong and the color of Red Robin's belt wrong. The cover featuring the wrong utility belt on Red Robin is clearly the editor's fault for not making sure all appearances of Red Robin look the same.

Is this all just nitpicking? Well, maybe, but Cliff Richards just isn't that great an artist. At times Dick looks like he's balding, Damian looks like a girl, Vicki Vale is drawn to look the same age as Dick, and the coloring is just plain awful all around. I don't know whose bright idea it was to have him draw this comic, but thankfully he's only illustrating this one issue. While I'm no fan of Frazer Irving's art style, I'm practically begging for his art right now because he's consistent and always on-model. Overall, the comic is an enjoyable read, but the art is incredibly sub-par.

Final Score:     3/5

Red Robin #13-16: The Hit List

With the announcement of Batman, Inc. launching after The Return of Bruce Wayne, Gotham City's status quo has been set with Dick Grayson and Damian Wayne as the new Batman & Robin, Stephanie Brown as the new Batgirl, and Tim Drake as Red Robin. The Bat comics have had more freedom in writing stories that aren't just filler before (what we presumed would be) Bruce Wayne returning and resetting the status quo back to what it used to be before Final Crisis. In Tim Drake's case, he has never wanted to be the one to take over as Batman, being perfectly content in being Robin forever. With him becoming Red Robin, he has continued to be "Robin," but has also made the transition that Dick Grayson made in becoming Nightwing. Although he is (technically) the 3rd person to be Red Robin, neither Dick Grayson nor Jason Todd made any sense as a grown-up Robin. Tim Drake makes perfect sense as Red Robin, an in-between of Robin and Batman, yet he is not Nightwing.

Starting with Red Robin #13, Fabian Nicieza has taken over as the regular writer, hopefully, for an extended period. Nicieza is best known as being the co-creator of Deadpool, the infamous superhero version of 4chan. He is also known for being extremely hit and miss with his writing, either being one of the best or one of the laziest writers in the industry. If anything can be indicated by his writing on Red Robin #13-16, Nicieza is in full kick-ass mode. Nicieza was the final writer of Robin, so he clearly knows the character of Tim Drake and how the change in status quo has affected him. For his first 4 issues, Nicieza starts his run with "The Hit List," a story of Tim Drake (finally) establishing his own status quo in Gotham City after spending the first 12 issues mostly moping about how he is no longer Robin and traveling the world searching for clues that Bruce Wayne is still alive. "The Hit List" explores Tim Drake's M.O., taking down various super-villains and criminals in an order that will cause them to be toppled in a domino effect.

While a pretty simple premise, the story-writing and insight is just plain stellar, not much else can be said to describe it other than Red Robin is now a must-read series after its previous irrelevancy. If there is anything negative to say about this series, it's the cover artwork. While I would love to blame Marcus To and/or Ray McCarthy on coloring or off-model errors, it's really the editor's fault for not giving them a strict model to follow. As you can see in the 4 covers posted, Red Robin's utility belt has three different designs and his gloves magically gain 2 scallops a la Batman in the 4th cover. The reason I don't blame the penciller or the inker for the off-model wackiness is because in-comic he does have a strict model that they follow. Red Robin's canon model is not surprisingly, closest to the final cover's appearance, only differing in the color of the utility belt; it should be yellow, not gray or black.

Minor nitpicking aside, RED ROBIN IS AWESOME. I look forward to Nicieza's continuing run on this series and I hope it runs for as long as possible. While I wasn't confident Tim Drake could stay as Red Robin forever, Fabian Nicieza has convinced me that Red Robin is to Tim Drake as Nightwing is to Dick Grayson. Will Tim Drake eventually become Batman? Who cares, he kicks ass right now as Red Robin!

RR #13:     4/5
RR #14:     4/5
RR #15:     5/5
RR #16:     4/5

Metroid: Nintendo's Red-Headed Stepchild

Much like how Germans love David Hasselhoff, Americans love Metroid. For over 20 years, Nintendo has been entertaining us with such games like Super Mario Bros., The Legend of Zelda, Kirby, and Metroid. One of these 4 long running series, however, is not like the other. It becomes most apparent when you realize the time gap between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion was from 1994 to 2002, an 8 year wait. Despite Super Metroid being a critical and financial success, Nintendo did not make a Metroid game for either the Game Boy Color or the N64. The reason given by Nintendo for not making a 4th Metroid game was that they wanted Metroid to make the leap to 3D (reason for no Game Boy game), but they could not come up with how to do such a task without making the game play exactly like Ocarina of Time but with a gun instead of a sword. While Samus made an appearance in Super Smash Bros., it looked as if gamers would have to wait for the next generation of consoles to get their 3D Metroid game.

Things started to look up when it was announced that Nintendo was not only going to produce Metroid IV for the Game Boy Advance, but they had given the rights to a Metroid game for the Gamecube to Retro Studios, a company formed by the leftovers of Iguana, the studio that developed the Turok games for the N64. The idea of an FPS Metroid game worried some, but others felt it was the only thing that made sense for a 3D Metroid. What was universally agreed was good, however, was that an American studio would be in charge of a game that Americans would be interested more in than the Japanese. In 2002, Metroid Fusion for the GBA and Metroid Prime for the Gamecube were released. While Fusion received mixed reviews for being extremely linear rather than being more open-ended than the previous games and Prime had some negative fan reaction for being a first person game rather than 3rd person, both games were welcomed whole-heartedly.

After the success of both games, Nintendo did the unexpected and had 2 more Metroid games produced within the same console generation: Metroid Prime 2: Echoes and Metroid: Zero Mission, a remake/re-version of the original Metroid. While Metroid Prime 2 did not do as well financially or critically as the first game, it was still a success. Zero Mission was extremely successful and gave the Metroid series one of its most important visual aspects: a consistent canon appearance for Samus as well as her Zero Suit, a consistent outfit for Samus to wear underneath the Power Suit. One of the first games announced for the Wii was Metroid Prime 3: Corruption and Nintendo even planned a DS Metroid Prime game that featured multiplayer.

As I said in my Other M review, Samus is wearing MORE clothing these days. Sexual, but not vulgar.

So why is it that with the recent release of Metroid: Other M, I still consider Metroid to be Nintendo's red-headed stepchild? Well, Nintendo doesn't seem to want to handle the series themselves since they gave Team Ninja the rights to produce a Metroid game. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but the last Metroid game Nintendo made themselves was Zero Mission. Nintendo seems genuinely uninterested in continuing the Metroid story and finally revealing what happened after the cliffhanger ending of Metroid Fusion 8 years ago. It was nice to see the gap between Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion closed a bit, but I still want to know Samus' fate after Fusion! Is she a fugitive of the Galactic Federation now? Are there possibly more Metroid experiments being carried on? If anything, Other M raises even new questions for Fusion's ending.

I just want a sequel to Metroid Fusion, Nintendo, is that so hard to do?

Metroid: Other M - Not the Game We Deserved, But the One We Needed

Metroid is known for 4 things, a female protagonist, a sense of isolation and being alone, little to no story made up for by awesome gameplay, and inexcusable wait times between sequels. As far as these 4 "requirements," Metroid: Other M hits all 4 of these targets right on the bullseye. Although the wait time between Prime 3 and Other M is far shorter than previous installments in the series, Other M still fits within the "inexcusable wait time" because it is an interquel to Super Metroid and Metroid Fusion. The past 8 years have treated Metroid well, but keep in mind that every game since Fusion has either been part of the Prime series or the remake of the original game, Metroid: Zero Mission. The amount of time between Super and Fusion is still undefined and exactly what the nature of Samus' relationship with Adam Malkovich was has remained a mystery for 8 years, at least outside of Japan.

Finally at E3 we were shown a trailer to the next Metroid game, a game mostly played in a 3rd person perspective like the traditional games and taking place seemingly early in Samus' career when Adam was still alive. As we later found out, Other M takes place mere days after Super Metroid, but as had been expected, Adam was still alive and we would be treated to flashbacks of Samus' life before she became a bounty hunter. The prospect of a Metroid game with a deliberately intricate plot worried most because Nintendo's most well known series with an actual plot is The Legend of Zelda, a series with no voice acting and a timeline that is an extremely well-guarded secret. The idea of Samus finally getting spoken dialogue was also seen as worrisome because past voiceless characters have suffered from extreme adaptation decay upon gaining a voice, like Sonic The Hedgehog and every fighting game character ever made. Probably the only thing we would be assured of was that the gameplay would be of at least fantastic quality since Nintendo was teaming up with Team Ninja of Ninja Gaiden fame. In essence, this would be the biggest gamble on a Metroid game since Metroid Prime AND Fusion.

On people complaining about Samus being "too sexy," isn't she wearing MORE clothes now?

The anticipation has been overwhelming for most, underwhelming for others, but none can deny that this game has been anticipated for quite a while. As I said in the beginning of this post, Other M is undeniably a Metroid game and contains all the necessary elements: the sense of being isolated, backtracking for items, free exploration only limited by the story's own restraints (which almost never makes you beg for a particular power up before it is given to you), and Samus Aran being hot, yet not a sex object.

If there's anything the game suffers from, it's the first 4 hours or so of the story. It's very slow, the voice acting is particularly bland, and the power ups are spread apart very far from each other. After a particular plot twist however, the story starts to pick up, power ups are given more frequently, the voice acting quality picks up considerably, and the overall feeling of isolation and terror around the next corner hits you in the face like a freight train.


Gameplay: 9.0     Although near flawless, the 1st person function feels tacked on solely to appease fans of the Prime series. The game could easily have been designed as fully 3rd person.
Story: 7.5     It's a Metroid game, what do you expect? The story is still the most detailed since Metroid Fusion, exploring several details of Samus' backstory only seen in the Metroid manga that was previously unreleased outside Japan.
Presentation: 8.5     Metroid: Other M easily has the best visuals the Wii has to offer, it puts some 360 and PS3 games to shame. Unfortunately, Nintendo's usual translators decided to take the Japanese script far too literally. While the voice acting is pretty average, the script is what causes lots of groans. The musical score and sound effects are top notch.
Replay Value: 8.5     Typical of a Metroid game, there is an incentive to finish the game as quickly as possible while collecting every item. Getting 100% completion the first time nets you the Hard Mode difficulty, which forces you to play through the game with no energy tanks and no missile extensions beyond the initial 99 energy and 10 missiles. While seeming impossible to some, this can be considered child's play to Metroid fanatics.

Overall Score: 8.4     While Other M does have some notable shortcomings, this does not completely ruin the game in any aspect. The overall experience is incredibly enjoyable and makes one nostalgic for previous games in the series, most notably Super Metroid. If there is any one game in the series that Other M most resembles, it is Metroid Fusion. While Fusion has been criticized for its extreme linearity, it does not stop it from being great experience overall. Other M may not be the killer app that Metroid Prime was 8 years ago, but it's still a hell of a great game. Oh, and about those notable reviewers giving Other M low reviews? They have no clue what they're talking about and should learn to play games for fun, not to nitpick every little thing and call it an abomination.

My Favorite Movie of 2001: Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back

Choosing between Jay and Silent Bob and Blow as my favorite movies of 2001 was VERY difficult. The reason why Blow does not get the number 1 spot for 2001 from me is because Jay and Silent Bob does a better job of reminding you how things were exactly before a post- 9/11 world. For all intents and purposes, Jay and Silent Bob are terrorists and willingly help terrorists throughout the entire movie. This movie also marks the transitional period between Kevin Smith making movies for laughs rather than shock value or pretentiousness. Kevin Smith has been well-known for being a self-admitted geek and his passion for comic books along with his talent for writing eventually got him recognized by DC and Marvel. While writing for Marvel, Smith was notorious for never meeting scheduled dates and was allowed to put off numerous mini-series almost infinitely. At DC, Smith is well-known for writing very questionable dialogue or facets of knowledge that make you think, "Why the hell would you even write that? I mean, it does make sense in a logical way, but the information doesn't have to be written, in can be drawn."

Jay and Silent Bob are 2 characters that have appeared in (almost) every Kevin Smith movie, which until Jersey Girl, were all contained in a shared universe. For example, although Dogma is not a sequel to Clerks, it contains numerous references and characters from the previous movie that you would only understand had you watched it. Jay and Silent Bob originally appeared as drug dealers who liked to hang outside the shop from Clerks. Silent Bob was played by Kevin Smith himself, deliberately inserting himself into his own movie as a director cameo with only 1 scene of dialogue, but appearing throughout the rest of the film with the extremely talkative Jay. Although they continued to appear in Mallrats and Chasing Amy, the characters of Jay and Silent Bob did not become as central to the plot of a movie until Dogma where they had apparently become prophets. Having these two comic relief characters in an otherwise serious film about Smith's views on Catholicism and religion in general made them stand out and fans started asking for Jay and Silent Bob to get their own movie.

Come 2001, we were treated to Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, a completely nonsensical film that can be viewed in any order of scenes and still be hilarious. The main plot is supposed to be that Jay and SIlent Bob's friend, played by Jason Lee, has written a superhero comic using their likenesses, Bluntman & Chronic, and a particular movie studio has contacted him about making a film version. Jay and Silent Bob are not going to be given any royalties for the movie since they contributed nothing other than their likenesses, so they decided to go to Hollywood to stop production of the movie unless the studio executives decide to give them royalties. Thus, ensues a typical road trip movie, but rife with comic book references and skewering of celebrities along the way.

The fun REALLY doesn't start until they finally reach the movie studio where Jay and Silent Bob run into the making of Scream 4, starring Shannen Doherty (because the studio couldn't get Neve Campbell), the making of Good Will Hunting 2: Hunting Season (having Ben Affleck and Matt Damon play themselves after previously appearing in Dogma as the main villains), and the 2 actors who will be playing themselves in the Bluntman & Chronic movie, James van der Beek and Jason Biggs. I can't even begin to describe the number of references to all these actors' previous works and why (at the time) all these movies were seen as unbelievably absurd, but today it would not surprise anyone if Good Will Hunting received an action movie sequel.

After a few more cameos and ridiculous references along the way, Jay and SIlent Bob meet the executive who was behind them not getting royalties and it's... their friend played by Jason Lee? No, it's actually a completely new person who is ALSO played by Jason Lee. That's the beauty of this movie and the View Askewniverse in general, Jason Lee and Ben Affleck can play 2 or 3 roles within the same movie and no one questions it because that's just how effectively Kevin Smith can make a movie. After receiving their royalties, Jay and Silent Bob return to New Jersey, content that their job is done and they can continue not doing anything in life and get paid for it.

I can't even begin to describe why this movie is not stupid. The movie must be watched and experienced to truly understand exactly how good it is and why I swear to God I'm not crazy in saying that Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back is the best movie of 2001, but only slightly better than Blow. Next week is my favorite movie of 2002, the coming-of-age story dealing with the transition between high school and college, Orange County.

Matt Leinart Cut by the Arizona Cardinals, USC Jinx Continues

Matt Leinart was once known as Heisman Trophy winner Matt Leinart. Generally speaking, if someone won the Heisman Trophy, it's because they were the best performer in college sports that year. The Heisman also carries heavy weight during the NFL Draft, something that can sometimes cause teams to draft players they don't particularly need, simply because they have immense talent and they have a high draft number. Such was not the case of Matt Leinart, drafted by the Arizona Cardinals when they desperately needed a quarterback. And then Kurt Warner joined the Cardinals as a free agent.

Leinart is by no means a bad quarterback. He's actually really good, despite what the media may try to distort. However, he's an extremely out of practice quarterback. Keep in mind that the last full season he played was back in college. In essence, he has as much NFL experience as most rookies and sophomores who have gotten to play in the preseason. What makes Leinart's drought so unfortunate is he was seen as mostly NFL ready straight out of college, only to be forced as 2nd string once Kurt Warner announced his intentions to play for the Cardinals. With Warner as their new leader, the Cardinals reached the Super Bowl for the first time in the franchise's history only to lose to the eventual champion Pittsburgh Steelers at the final second of play from Santonio Holmes' miracle catch in the corner of the endzone (which some people believe to be a bogus call).

In most situations, having a quarterback play 1st string right out of college is seen as reckless and most teams elect to have rookies and some sophomores be 2nd string to learn how the NFL differs from college from the 1st string QB. In Matt Leinart's case, he was supposedly going to be learning from the most accurate QB of all time, Kurt Warner. Once Warner chose to retire, it was fairly obvious that Leinart would become the new 1st string QB. Most sports analysts believed that Leinart would have a less-than-impressive 1st season, but then meet his previous expectations to lead the Cardinals as the 1st or 2nd best team in NFC West.

Apparently, the Cardinals don't like the idea of ever being viewed as less than 1st ever again, because they cut Leinart today. The USC alum is now unemployed and joins Reggie Bush and Pete Carroll as having had pretty unpleasant summers stemming from their time at USC. Why the Cardinals would ever cut Leinart is beyond my imagination, but they just decided to cut a recent Heisman Trophy winner from their team. The phrase begs repeating, a Heisman Trophy winner was fired rather than traded. Leinart can now join pretty much any team he wants because he has not been in the NFL for many years and does not command a high salary.

I think the Cardinals have just proven to everyone why their team has only been to a championship game once in their franchise's history.

Ben ROFLburger's Suspension Cut to 4 Games

Every picture says a thousand words....

So a few months ago, Ben Roethlisberger acted like an idiot. Wait, this is news why? Oh, that's right, he apparently sexually assaulted 2 women. Wait... I'm still failing to see why this is news. Sexual assault is a bad thing, yes, but 2 women who wished to remain anonymous claiming a sports celebrity sexually assaulted them? Where have I heard that news before? In the end, the case was dismissed for lack of evidence against Big Ben. The NFL commissioner Roger Goodell, champion of the No Fun League, decided to impose a 6 game/week ban against Roethlisberger for inappropriate off-field behavior or something to that effect because even though he was not even charged with a crime, his name being involved in such a scandal was "detrimental" to the NFL's image. Some people felt a 6 game ban was too small and he should have been banned for 8 game, or half the season. Some felt 6 was too much and a 1 month ban would be more appropriate. And of course, others felt that 6 games was just right. Can you guess what 3 groups of people belong to the 3 camps? The 8 game ban people are mostly female sports writers, the 6 game ban people are mostly sports fans, and the 4 game ban people are mostly male sports writers. Goodell did say upon enacting the ban that he may decrease or increase the length of the ban based on Ben's behavior by the time the ban would start being in effect.

Remember, this whole scandal happened in the off-season, still weeks before the NFL Draft even took place. There was a rumor that the Pittsburgh Steelers were serious about trading a top 10 draft pick in exchange for Big Ben. After those trade talks failed, news from Pittsburgh seemed to just disappear while Ben acted like a responsible human being for once in his life. Thanks to a loophole in his 6 game ban, Ben was allowed to play in preseason games. After playing much better than he did the entirety of last season, it looked like he was ready to accept his punishment and then come back with a vengeance to the gridiron.

And then Roger Goodell commuted his sentence to 4 games instead of 6.

So, the question on everyone's mind is, "Does Ben really deserve a 4-game suspension for not being charged with a crime?" The answer is yes, because he still acted like a moron and perpetuated a very negative stereotype of sports stars. This is a lot coming from a Lakers fan, being that my favorite player in the NBA right now was also successfully charged with being a rapist. Don't get me wrong, though. Kobe should have been suspended for at least a month just for being charged of a crime. The fact that he got away with no punishment whatsoever is absurd. Whether he really did rape that girl or not is open to speculation, but the facts remain that he admitted to sleeping with her and admits to performing sexual acts that she did not approve of.

Ben didn't get off easy at all, but let's just hope he can get all this "special" attention through his thick skull and play like it actually matters.

The Art of the Retcon

The only time a retcon has been deliberately VISIBLE.

Ah, the retcon. Short for retroactive continuity, retcons are an inevitability in long-running series. With the change in writers and continuity trackers, eventually someone will come along who forgets one tiny detail of some character's background and end up writing a story that can potentially completely contradict an earlier story. Sometimes, a story is written that is incredibly unpopular and another story will be written that intentionally makes the previous story non-canon. Now, by definition, retcons sound horrible, but there are such things as good retcons.

Take for example, Albert Wesker from Resident Evil. Originally, he was killed by the Tyrant... or Barry Burton... or a zombie... all depending on how many of your teammates you let die or whatever. In Resident Evil: Code - Veronica, Wesker was seemingly brought back from the dead... WITH SUPERPOWERS. It turned out that he didn't really die, he just pretended to die while under the influence of a new drug/virus that gives him his current superpowers. The reason he was constantly wearing sunglasses was because while under the influence of the drug/virus, his eyes glow bright red. With the return of the first villain of the series, WITH SUPERPOWERS, Wesker revealed that he had been working behind the scenes, orchestrating the events of RE2 and RE3 and planning far bigger things in the future. The revival of Albert Wesker, WITH SUPERPOWERS, is probably one of the greatest positive retcons in recent history.

He was just getting started back in that mansion!

Now what makes the revival of Wesker such a great retcon is that it was done without mucking up any continuity. Wesker is still allowed to seemingly die inside the mansion in the first Resident Evil and he can become Ada Wong and Nikolai's boss easily, because they never said they had one in the first place! This retcon fits in so cleanly and is written so cleverly that it actually strengthens Wesker's character and the story of the RE series in general to one of being Wesker's master plan of world domination.

Now for an example of a BAD retcon: One. More. Day. After revealing to the world his secret identity of Peter Parker, Spider-Man's life quite expectantly goes to hell in a hand basket. One day, a sniper's bullet meant for Peter hits Aunt May instead. She is taken to the hospital and given a slim chance of living through her wounds, compounded by her age. Peter seeks help from the superhero community, hoping that supernatural means may save his aunt's life. The demon Mephisto, a Marvel character that is supposed to represent THE DEVIL, says that he will cure May of her wounds in exchange for Peter and Mary Jane's marriage. To put it in simpler terms, for May to live, the marriage of Peter and Mary Jane will have never happened. After weighing his options, the life of his 80-year-old aunt, or his memories of his marriage to his wife, Peter decides to make a deal with the devil to save Aunt May. Peter makes a deal with the devil to save his aunt. PETER PARKER MAKES A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL TO SAVE HIS 80-YEAR-OLD AUNT.

Answer: The total sales of Marvel Comics, that's what cost.

The result of said deal with the devil caused everyone in the world to forget who Spider-Man's secret identity is. Even such close confidantes as the Fantastic Four, Iron Man, and the Black Cat all forgot his true identity. Parker's arch-nemesis the Green Goblin even forgot who Spider-Man was! Peter lost all memory of marrying Mary Jane because they broke up before he could propose to her and reveal his identity as Spider-Man. Also, Peter is back to living with his Aunt May and his friend Harry Osborne, the 2nd Green Goblin has come back from the dead! THIS SHIT IS FUCKING STUPID. People have written entire essays detailing the many reasons why One More Day is the worst storyline and worst retcon in the history of printed type. One huge reason that One More Day does not work is that it re-writes 20 years worth of Spider-Man stories that are all affected by how Spider-Man feels after marrying and the countless characters that know Mary Jane is Spider-Man's wife. Even before Civil War, a staggering amount of people knew that Spider-Man was Peter Parker. It was truly impossible to know exactly how many people knew because at minimum, S.H.I.E.L.D., the X-Men, and the Avengers all knew his true identity, not to mention the Fantastic Four, several of Spidey's villains and personal friends, etc. Making it so NO ONE knew his identity at all is just incredibly lazy storytelling and a shitty idea in general.

Wait, I thought Quesada was an artist, not a writer?

I used to be a huge Spider-Man fan. But ever since Joe Quesada took over as editor-in-chief of Marvel Comics 10 years ago, it seems as if Quesada has personally gone out of his way to change everyone's status quo as much as possible. Wolverine has a bisexual son and a clone daughter, Bucky was revived and became Captain America, the Incredible Hulk has 2 new enemies, Red Hulk and Red She-Hulk, revealed to be General Ross and the Hulk's OWN WIFE, Jean Grey died AGAIN and Cyclops got together with Emma Frost, and of course the mother of them all, One More Day. I don't know what's happened to Marvel, but the last 10 years have created doom and gloom for their company, only to hit the iceberg completely with Civil War. Since the conclusion of Civil War, sales for Marvel Comics have sunk to lows not seen since the Bronze Age of comics. Stock has plummeted and yet the investors have not gotten it through their heads that maybe having Joe Quesada in charge of continuity and story direction is a BAD idea. It's as if people at Marvel suddenly forgot that there's a reason writers don't try to be artists and artists don't try to be writers!

My favorite kind of retcon is when stories are written in such a way that they intentionally contradict prior source material as if the writer is saying, "I don't like that shit either, so here's what I think of that!" A great example comes from J. Michael Straczynski's current run on Superman. While in Philadelphia, Superman decides to order a Philly cheese steak sandwich from a diner. If you'll remember from my previous review of Superman: Birthright, Superman is now canonically a vegetarian because of his feelings on his "Aura Vision" that allow him to see life forces. JMS, by having Superman order and eat a Philly cheese steak sandwich, has made a "take-that" at Mark Waid's idiotic idea of making Superman a vegetarian.