Hines Ward is Joining NBC's Football Night in America Pre-Game Show

Two-time Super Bowl champion Hines Ward, formerly of the Pittsburgh Steelers, now retired, will be joining NBC's Football Night in America pre-game show for Sunday Night Football as an analyst. Ward worked part-time for NBC a few months ago for their Super Bowl XLVI coverage and received favorable reviews. He was widely expected to join ESPN and become the latest football player to be one of thousands working for ESPN, but instead he is now part of a small group of employees working for NBC.


I think the move is fantastic. Ward is well known for his infectious smile and charisma, something hat will surely translate to television analyst very well, the same way Chris Webber has become a fan favorite on TNT and NBA TV due to his every-man approach to NBA analysis. Ward will join former Chargers and Patriots player Rodney Harrison (ret. 2008) in the studio every Sunday night.

Sunday Night Football is the Highest Rated Primetime Program in America

This news is shocking for so many reasons. For starters, American Idol is no longer the most watched program in America for the first time in 8 years, after years of an increasingly blander format targeted towards teenage girls who refuse to vote for female talent. Secondly, the most watched program that replaces American Idol is not a drama program or a comedy, but a sports broadcast. It beat out NCIS, Dancing with the Stars, The Voice, Two and a Half Men, among many other shows. Thirdly, it doesn't even air a full "season" of shows, airing 18 regular season games, 2 wild card playoff games, and the Super Bowl, which was not accounted for in the ratings, all without a break that most TV shows have.


Sunday Night Football is without a doubt the gold standard in football broadcasts. The NFL on Fox and The NFL on CBS are both ok, with Fox being much better overall, but neither come close to NBC's coverage. Monday Night Football on ESPN is pretty bad all-around, although with the departure of Ron Jaworski, the show might improve in quality with less inane banter. Thursday Night Football on NFL Network is underrated with a great crew, which hopefully get more notoriety this season as more carriers will have the network at no additional cost and with more exposure thanks to all 32 teams having primetime games thanks to NFL Network.


This season figures to have great ratings for SNF, with an incredible slate of games. Here's their full schedule for a refresher, with subplots included:

1. Dallas Cowboys vs New York Giants, NFC East Rivalry
2. Pittsburgh Steelers vs Denver Broncos, Peyton Manning's Debut as a Bronco
3. Detroit Lions vs San Francisco 49ers, Rematch of "The Handshake" from last year
4. New England Patriots vs Baltimore Ravens, Rematch of 2012 AFC Championship
5. New York Giants vs Philadelphia Eagles, NFC East Rivalry
6. San Diego Chargers vs New Orleans Saints, Drew Brees faces former team
7. Green Bay Packers vs Houston Texans
8. Pittsburgh Steelers vs Cincinnati Bengals, AFC North Rivalry
9. New Orleans Saints vs Denver Broncos, Brees vs Manning SB XLIV Rematch
10. Dallas Cowboys vs Atlanta Falcons
11. Houston Texans vs Chicago Bears
12. Baltimore Ravens vs Pittsburgh Steelers, AFC North Rivalry
13. New England Patriots vs New York Jets, AFC East Rivalry & Thanksgiving
14. Green Bay Packers vs New York Giants, Rematch of NFC Divisional Playoffs
15. Philadelphia Eagles vs Dallas Cowboys, NFC East Rivalry
16. Detroit Lions vs Green Bay Packers, NFC North Rivalry
17. San Francisco 49ers vs New England Patriots
18. San Diego Chargers vs New York Jets

I have a strong feeling Sunday Night Football will repeat as the most watched program in America next season.

DC Comics Announces Smallville Season 11?

Smallville Season 11 #1

Smallville ended last year didn't it? I was pretty sure it ended the moment we saw Clark Kent finally put on the Superman costume and fly in outer space. Didn't we flash forward to the future where Chloe is married to Oliver Queen and has a son with him?


Well apparently, DC isn't ready to let Smallville die and is going to have Season 11 "broadcast" in comic book format, written by lead series writer Bryan Q. Miller, also known for his work on the Stephanie Brown volume of Batgirl (which is absurdly awesome). No surprise, Pere Perez (Batgirl) is doing the interior art, reuniting the tandem after the events of The New 52.


Why is Smallville!Clark Kent wearing a modification of the current Superman outfit and not the version seen in Superman Returns? Ahh who knows... I probably won't be picking this one up just because I can't imagine how much larger Lois' boobs will balloon to in comic book form.

Cee Lo Green Begins the Year by Bastardizing a John Lennon Song

Cee Lo Green, the former lead singer of Gnarls Barkley, now solo act famous for his song "Fuck You," decided to sing a John Lennon song during New York Ciy's New Year's Eve party at Times Square. When one decides to sing a John Lennon song, generally singers know what they're in for since Lennon's solo career was marked by songs that were done for protest or to send a message. The song Cee Lo Green sung was "Imagine," a song that is infamous for it's anti-religious message.


And then Cee Lo Green decided to be cute and change the lyrics. Instead of the lyrics "Nothing to kill for or die for, And no religion too" Green changed the lyrics to "Nothing to kill for or die for, And all religion's true." The change was very insulting to fans of Lennon, who know that the song is meant to be about imagining a perfect world, which includes one with no religion. Green was blasted on Twitter where he explained that he "meant no disrespect" but he disagreed with Lennon's anti-religious views and wants a world where people believe what they want to believe.


The problem with that statement is that-that is exactly what John Lennon was protesting against. Lennon had seen how much conflict religion had caused between countries and even within countries over his lifetime and over human history. Lennon (and many people with anti-religious views) felt that if the world had no religions and if everyone was agnostic or atheist, there would be no conflict in the world. I happen to disagree with Lennon's view, knowing that even if there were no religion, people would fight over political and nationalistic issues.


Nevertheless, I am offended when singers change other singer's lyrics because they disagree with the song. If you disagree with the song, DON'T SING IT. Pick a song that is pro-religion. Pick one that doesn't have a religious message. When a singer changes the lyrics to a song because they don't like the message, it is exactly like misquoting someone or changing the plot of a book or movie; It's insulting that singer's writing as well as their personal views.


In somewhat related news, Kelly Clarkson lost a lot of fans in an instant because she declared herself a Ron Paul supporter. Ron Paul was previously a dark horse candidate only supported by young Independents and Libertarians, but is now getting mainstream attention because of his controversially racist views seen in writings he approved of 20 years ago.


What is it with singers with no talent suddenly having political views? Next thing you know, Katy Perry is going to announce she's an anarchist or something.

Yep, I'm Making a Gossip Post

In October 2011, British comedian Russell Brand and Californian singer Katy Perry got married. Their marriage shocked most people in entertainment media who did not even know the couple knew each other. Many doubters of their relationship wagered bets that their marriage would not last a year, given how incredibly busy Katy Perry is with her concerts and Russel Brand with his comedy shows and film schedule, notwithstanding most insider's total inability to understand what, if anything, they had in common.


Well the couple in fact did last more than a year, but only by a few months. The couple has officially divorced and will both begin 2012 as single divorcees! This is wonderful news for pretty much any man between the age of 18-90 because now Katy Perry in her infinite weirdness is back on the market. Russell Brand is uh... also weird and I pray for the poor woman who has to listen to his voice on a daily basis.


Hey, it's a slow news day, cut me some slack Jack.


Update!: The Brands did not sign a prenup! Because of their wildly differing incomes, Katy Perry stands to lose A LOT of money.

Bill Maher's Hilarious Tweet About Tim Tebow

Bill Maher is an outspoken atheist comedian and makes no apologizes for offending religious people in his commentary. Some people are saying that this tweet is offensive. Some people say that Maher is "insensitive." That's a load of bullshit.


Tim Tebow prays before every game. And during the game. And after the game. He talks about Jesus being important in his life. He talks about Jesus being "partly" responsible for the result of football games. Every time he wins a game, he thanks God and/or Jesus for giving him a win. He never says Jesus was on the other team's side when he loses, of course.


Obviously, if Tebow, the guy whose life seems to revolve around either football or Jesus, loses a game that he says Jesus affects, then the devil must be smiling somewhere, taunting Tebow from the underworld.


A lot of people who are decrying Maher's tweet are also the same people who oddly enough believe that political correctness should be done away with and that this so-called "War on Christmas" needs to end. It's funny how those same people who hate political correctness also don't want anything negative being said about them.

Chris Benoit Movie Announced

It seems that the success of The Wrestler has led to the production of another wrestling movie, this time one based on the tragically true story of Chris Benoit. The movie, titled Crossface (referencing Benoit's signature move, the Crippler Crossface submission technique), will be based on Ring of Hell: The Story of Chris Benoit and the Fall of the Pro Wrestling Industry, originally written by Sarah Coulter.


There has been some mixed reactions to the production of Crossface, most saying that the film would be better suited as a documentary, rather than a biopic. Personally, I think the story of Benoit's life and death is so important that it needs to get out to the public in any way possible. The NFL is doing a much better job to treat head injuries these days, causing a great rift among old and young players and the public regarding the level of violence in football being toned down to better protect the players from suffering severe head trauma (I happen to believe that only good can from protecting the players).


Chris Benoit was a semi-famous wrestler in the WCW, being treated as a bit player while Hulk Hogan, Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Sting, and the NwO were able to dominate the stable. Knowing him and 3 other wrestlers to be extremely talented and having their talents wasted in WCW, WWF chairman Vince McMahon lured Chris Benoit, Eddie Guerrero, Dean Malenko, and Perry Saturn to his stable, provoking more fuel to the flames of the Monday Night Wars. Although Malenko and Saturn never received much pop/heat, or approval/disapproval from the audience, Benoit and Guerrero achieved true super stardom, becoming the faces of the WWF (and later WWE), possessing actual talent in the ring, great mic skills, unbelievable charisma, and undying support from the fans.


Sadly, Benoit and Guerrero both passed away and have left behind very different legacies in pro wrestling. After Guerrero passed away from heart failure due to arteriosclerotic cardiovascular disease caused by his past abuse of painkillers and severe alcoholism, he was revered for being a great wrestler who sadly could not escape from his past drug and alcohol abuse even though he had been drug free and sober for years. When Benoit died, his legacy was immediately tarnished and to this day, the WWE will go out of its way to make as little mention as possible to the existence of Chris Benoit.


The reasons for Benoit being blackballed are not totally unfounded. Over the weekend of June 27, 2007, Chris Benoit missed a taping for an ECW event due to a "family emergency." In reality, Benoit killed his wife and 7-year-old son before eventually killing himself during a 3 day period. Police visited the Benoit home on a "welfare check" after several missed appointments on the 27th, discovering the bodies. Toxicology reports showed that Nancy Benoit had Xanax, hydrocodone (Vicodin), and hydromorphone (Dilaudid) in her system, but at the therapeutic level, rather than a toxic level, suggesting that they were not forced into her system. Daniel Benoit had enough Xanax in his system to cause him to pass out. Chris Benoit had Xanax, Hydrocodone, and an elevated level of testosterone caused by a synthetic form of the hormone in his system. The chief medical examiner ruled that Benoit's testosterone was due to being treated for testicular insufficiency and/or prior steroid abuse and ruled that "roid rage" was not at fault for the incident.


After the toxicology reports came in, ex-wrestler Christopher Nowinski contacted Benoit's father and suggested that repeated head trauma may have been the reason for his son's erratic behavior. Tests were then conducted on Benoit's brain at West Virginia University, finding that his brain was in such terrible shape, it could be easily compared to an 85-year-old Alzheimer's patient. Prior to his death, Benoit was reported to have had an advanced form of dementia, something that was not surprising to head of neurosurgery at WVU, Julian Bailes. Bailes had done research on 4 retired NFL players and had ruled at this point that repeated concussions leads to dementia.


It's a sad story that ended in the deaths of 3 people, but it desperately needs to be told because of the multiple concussions Benoit suffered that lead to his dementia. After his death, many in the media, as well as some former members of the wrestling industry, immediately started pointing fingers at "roid rage," or the abuse of anabolic steroids causing increased aggression. After Benoit's brain was scanned, however, the media coverage of repeated concussions leading to dementia was not covered, because the American media generally doesn't like reporting on things that make legitimate sports look bad.


Last season, NHL star Sidney Crosby suffered 2 severe hits to the head in games within the same week, causing him to miss the rest of the season while he dealt with recovering from a concussion. Even now in the NFL, players are generally expected to return to the field within a week or two, so many sports writers unfamiliar with hockey were shocked and disappointed to see Crosby out of action for months, only just this past week seeing him return to action. The amount of time Crosby was out to recover from his concussion was appropriate and the Pittsburgh Penguins did the right thing by keeping Crosby out of action until he was clear to play many months later.


UFC has an extremely similar policy, banning fighters from competing for months on end if they suffer concussions. UFC commissioner Dana White has appeared many times on ESPN's Outside the Lines to discuss concussions in sports, usually criticizing the NFL for not taking the issue seriously and has mentioned the Benoit case before.


Crossface is currently being shopped around for directors and actors, with hopes of the movie beginning production in late 2012, probably in time for a mid-to-late 2013 release.

Young Justice - Bruce Timm and Paul Dini Aren't In Charge and That's OK

Yeah, I have to apologize for not reviewing this show sooner. Young Justice does not take place in the Bruce Timm DCAU, nor is it related at all to Teen Titans, despite having a nearly identical setup. Young Justice is also not based on the comic of the same name, which was about a team that succeeded the Teen Titans in the Tim Drake era, before eventually reforming the Teen Titans. It's more of a fusion of the two, also liberally pulling characters and tweaking their ages for the sake of "what if?" For example, the Robin portrayed in Young Justice is Dick Grayson, not Tim Drake. By the time Superboy arrived in the DC Universe, Dick Grayson was already into his 2nd costume as Nightwing. Miss Martian is another recent addition to the DC Universe, added after the "One Year Later" story which saw Tim Drake approaching adulthood.


ANYWAY, Young Justice does not take place in the DCAU, nor does it utilize any of the same voice actors in the same roles as shown in those shows, with the exception of Jerry O'Connell as Captain Marvel. Some voice actors who previously did work in the DCAU return in different roles, but the only one with a major role is Khary Payton who voice Cyborg in Teen Titans, which is not part of the DCAU. One notable voice actor who reprises a role is Bruce Greenwood playing Batman again after Batman: Under the Red Hood. The voice actors for each role are perfectly cast, with my favorite being Nolan "Nathan Drake" North as Superman & Superboy. North does an excellent job adjusting his voice to portray a younger, more angst-ridden Superman, while also voicing an experienced Superman.


Some complaints have been made about Young Justice not being in the DCAU or adhering to the comics strictly. You know, I don't remember the DCAU following the comics strictly. Didn't they give Tim Drake Jason Todd's origin? Didn't they completely ignore the continuity snarl of Hawkman and Hawkgirl? Didn't they completely erase the idea of Hal Jordan? Yeah, that's what I thought.


The show also has important feature that not enough western cartoons have: the passage of time. Each episode clearly lists a date that events take place, establishing that time is passing and these heroes will grow up. I don't have hopes for Nightwing making an appearance because its stated that Grayson is 13 at the start of the show. Although Grayson and Todd are the same age and they were Nightwing and Robin concurrently, I don't seem to remember Nightwing still being in high school, unless my memory is shoddy.


The show kicks ass so far, having only minor hiccups along the way like Robin's insufferable habit of using words that make no sense without a prefix and Miss Martian's catch phrase of "Hello Megan!" Despite those wacky problems, the show is still well-written, but not along the lines of Batman: The Animated Series. I would compare the level of writing to Justice League Unlimited, which was more like a TV adaptation of the comic The Brave and the Bold.


Check out Young Justice Friday nights on Cartoon Network at 6:30 PM, HD where available.

Season Premieres have Arrived! Part I

Let's get things started with all the big premieres and hype!

The big premiere everyone was waiting for was obviously, Two and a Half Men. The first half of the episode was mostly standard far for the show (awful) and Charlie Harper's funeral was handled very poorly. The reveal of Ashton Kutcher's character was fantastic, but the character itself was very boring. The title of the show can't even be called Two and a Half Men any more because Walden is such a man-child. Jake is still immature and will continue to be immature, so Alan is the only one left as the responsible adult. Alan as the responsible adult? Charlie may have been a whore-monger, but at least he could balance his checkbook and make a decent living. The season premiere of Two and a Half Men was a BUST.

Earlier that night came the one hour season premiere of How I Met Your Mother. Last season left off with the revelations that Marshall and Lily are pregnant (for real), Robin still has feelings for Barney, and that Ted meets the Mother while being the best man at Barney's future wedding. The premiere started off at Barney's wedding where Ted is reassuring Barney that he "picked the right tie," an intentionally poor metaphor Barney used to refer to his choice of bride. At this point, it's pretty clear that Barney's bride will either be Nora or Robin. During their talk, Ted and Barney refer to Punchy's wedding as being the worst wedding they've ever been to, taking us to the present day. At Punchy's wedding, Robin considers telling Barney how she feels about him, but ends up getting him to tell Nora how he feels about her. The whole sequence is very un-Barney-like, but he's been changing a lot, especially since he finally met his father. The first episode in general was very boring, despite the dance number by Barney and Robin.

The second episode deals with Ted landing the cover of New York magazine, covering the demolishing of the Archadian at the end of last season and the construction of Ted's new building, noting him to be New York's youngest architect to have a building constructed. Although the issue was brought up in the previous episode, the magazine finally pays off in this episode, leading Ted to get dates with 2 different girls. One is highly educated and the typical intellectual girl Ted wants, while the other picked up the check. It's a tough decision for Ted, especially with the Architect's Ball coming up. Eventually, he decides to go with Robin in an unclever mix-up that anyone could see coming form a mile away. Meanwhile, Marshall has a job interview with a big environmental law firm coming up, but discovers by background checking himself, that a video of him drunk and streaking in college has hit Youtube. Despite efforts to get the video removed, Marshall accidentally makes a sequel to the previous video, which inadvertently makes him more popular with his potential boss.

The season premiere ends with Marshall seeing the girl hinted throughout the episode through song, Victoria, Ted's girlfriend from Season 1. Victoria left to culinary school in Germany, but broke things off with him when he cheated on her with Robin. It's becoming clear now why in the hell Ted began his story so early, since if he didn't get back with Victoria and (more than likely) take her as his date to Barney's wedding, he wouldn't have met the Mother. Overall, the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother was Average.

Monday also featured the series premiere of Unforgettable, a show about a former cop with Hyperthymesia, an incredibly rare medical condition that causes eidetic memory. She ends up being a witness to murder and must team up with her former partner/boyfriend who has coincidentally moved to New York City and continues to be a cop. The show has decent writing, but the acting is its strong point. Poppy Montgomery is a total unknown and I fear she will continue to be one. Her collagen-injected lips are unattractive and her inability to maintain an American accent is very distracting. She needs to take American accent lessons from Simon Baker and Hugh Laurie, 2 actors that people are usually surprised to learn are Australian and English, respectively. The series premiere of Unforgettable was Kind of Forgettable.

Tuesday night is the return of garbage with networks struggling to find shows to air opposite NCIS and Glee. Fox premiered a new show, New Girl, starring Zooey Deschanel, and the 2nd season premiere of Raising Hope, the surprise success of last year.

New Girl is the story of a nerdy girl who moves in with 3 male roommates. The premise is simple and to the point, making sure that none of the characters are perfect and have their flaws on the surface. While a bit shallow, the dynamic will be changing in the 2nd episode since Damon Wayans, Jr. had to leave the show due to prior commitments to Happy Endings if it was renewed for a 2nd season. The series premiere of New Girl was Wait-And-See.

Raising Hope began the 2nd season by recapping the series premise and 1st season through song, cleverly aware of the fact the show is much more high-profile now and will attract more viewers by simply receiving a 2nd season on Fox. The premiere itself was pretty good, making sure to maintain the status quo and continuing to make Jimmy's life a living hell with his parents. The season premiere of Raising Hope was Expected and Awesome.

Glee's premiere hasn't exactly been a huge deal like Season 1 was, since Season 2 alienated fans and people from the music industry so much. Season 3 was set to begin with winning back fans from Season 1, but it didn't work , since ratings fell even lower than Season 2's premiere and a generally weak episode as people are waiting for the brand new cast of characters for Season 4. If trends continue, expect the show to be cancelled either this year or next year. The season premiere of Glee was a BUST.

Wednesday night was the big gamble, the series premiere of The X-Factor. I skipped it, but watched the auditions later.

America's Next Top Model, a show continuously ignored by the Emmys for best reality show started off its newest "cycle" with an All-Star cast of previously losers and runner-ups from each and every cycle. The majority of the cast are made up of runner-ups, but there are some fan favorites here and there, including recent stand outs like Allison, aka Creepy-Chan, Angelea, the "ghetto-fabulous" woman who the judges believed took the single greatest photo in Top Model history, Laura, the southern belle whose grandmother makes all her dresses, Kayla, the lesbian who was eliminated because she wasn't comfortable kissing a man, and Alexandria, one of the most hated contestants in Top Model history. Top Model actually premiered last week, but I put off the review because most shows premiere the 2nd-to-last week of September. The series premiere of America's Next Top Model was FIERCE.

The 2nd episode was even better, featuring the makeovers straight off. None of the makeovers looked bad at all, although Alexandria was a little too happy to have short hair and Bre was too emo about having short hair.

Modern Family had a 1 hour season premiere, right on the heels of Julie Bowen and Ty Burrell winning matching Emmys for Best Supporting Actor/Actress in a Comedy and Modern Family winning Best Comedy for the 2nd year in a row. Although both episodes were very different, they were both excellent and hilarious, featuring every character on the show in appropriate amounts overall, although Haley was more or less ignored, in favor of Alex's story of getting her first kiss in an undesirable way, at least until Modern Family finally got rid of Haley's boyfriend. Overall, the season premiere of Modern Family was Expected and Awesome.

The X-Factor premiered to incredible hype, but that's all it ended up being. X-Factor is basically America's Got Talent's formula for having auditions in front of a live audience, but the acts are all musical (with no age restrictions) and the judges are Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and an African American record studio agent who is TOTALLY NOT Randy Jackson. The first acts fell flat and weren't very interesting, noteworthy since when American Idol premiered, there were no talent shows on TV, but now aspiring singers can go to American Idol, America's Got Talent, The Voice, and The Sing-Off. The X-Factor was defeated in the ratings by both Modern Family and Criminal Minds. The series premiere of The X-Factor was a BUST.

I skipped the season premiere of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit because with Christopher Meloni gone, Mariska Hargitay will be paired up with a new partner for a single season before she departs as well. I have no interest in watching SVU anymore, just as the original Law & Order became unwatchable when Anthony Anderson joined the cast and how Criminal Intent became trash once Chris Noth left and Jeff Goldblum joined the cast.

Thursday night was NBC's night of praying for miracles. Ratings for Thursday night comedies have fallen steadily over the years, leading to a revolving door of television to sandwich The Office, which is also falling in the ratings.

The Big Bang Theory began with a 1-hour premiere, taking place mere hours after the previous season finale. When we left things off, Penny and Raj had slept with each other, Leonard was dealing with Priya moving back to India with her parents, and Wolowitz and Bernadette were officially engaged. Things are thankfully slight back to normal as Raj revealed to Penny that he was so nervous about sex with (a very drunk) Penny that after having trouble getting on a condom, he was unable to maintain an erection and they did not have sex. The other characters are unaware of this, but they did announce to everyone that it would be an isolated incident. Raj continues to have a crush on Penny, but it's very clear Penny still has feelings for Leonard. In the 2nd episode, typical hijinks resume, mostly concerning a new chair Penny acquired from the street that Sheldon feels in unclean, while Leonard is having troubles with Priya having cyber sex over Skype. Overall, I was actually impressed by the show, laughing much more often than I usually do (especially in the 2nd episode). Whatever dumb things the writers were doing last year, they got over them, writing much better comedic material than has ever been on display so far. Why aren't the writing material like this for Two and a Half Men? The series premiere of The Big Bang Theory was Unexpectedly Hilarious.

Community aired its 3rd season, beginning with more changes to the status quo, introducing John Goodman as the vice-dean of Greendale Community College, who will eventually turn students against the dean. Student Chang, formerly known as Señor Chang, will now be known as Security Guard Chang, employed by the vice dean, but mostly to get him to stop living in the air vents. Jeff and Pierce eventually made piece, when they both realized what jerks they had both been. The main humor in Community has always been the subtle gags seen upon closer inspection, but the episode made sure to not pull its punches and deliver straight up gags (although the chimpanzee knockout gas did have a subtle gag that was unnoticed by most on first viewing; the name of the gas is Chimpan-ZZZ). The series premiere of Community was Expected and Solid.

I skipped the premiere of The Office after finding out to my horror that Andy will be the new boss at Dunder-Mifflin. It only reminded me that in real life, Andy probably would receive the job, something we don't want to see in The Office. I'll be tuning out this year.

Prime Suspect, a British import that once starred Helen Mirren, premiered on Thursday night after the comedies to NBC's lowest rated fall premiere of all time, even worse than Outsourced. Although the concept is very strong, Americans are tired of police procedural shows and would rather watch comedies or reality television. I will have to catch the first episode some other time since it airs opposite my preferred Thursday night show....

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia aired its season premiere last week, but its 2nd episode was just as strong. Mac is fat, Frank wants to marry a hooker, and Dennis and Dee are still addicted to crack. It seems all is well in Philadelphia! After Frank proposes to his hooker girlfriend, she dies of a heart attack after having smoked an unbelievable amount of crack throughout the day. Although Dee at first proposes calling 911, Charlie reminds the gang that she is a hooker who died of a crack overdose in his apartment. Instead, they leave her corpse outside and call 911 from a pay phone all to the tune of "Pretty Woman."

The 2nd episode has the gang travel to the Jersey Shore, where Dennis and Dee have fond memories of the Boardwalk, Charlie has never seen the ocean, and Frank and Mac simply want to relax. Dennis and Dee end up having a horrific time there, witnessing two homeless men having sex, Dee's hair getting ripped out of her scalp, and witnessing a bank robbery and murder all while high on PCP. Charlie ends up having a magical night with the Waitress, but she remembers absolutely none of it, having been high on ecstasy. When Charlie describes the "romantic" night they had, the Waitress is disgusted byt the whole thing and continues to want to have nothing to do with Charlie. Although Frank and Mac get stranded in the Atlantic Ocean, they are eventually rescued by the guidos and come to learn that the guys on Jersey Shore are just jerks and that the guidos they met are great people who are lots of fun. It should be mentioned that these events all occur over a montage set to the tune of "Vacation." The series premiere of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia was Unbelievably Awesome.

Coming up in Part II will be my reviews on the season premieres of Supernatural, Fringe, Family Guy, American Dad, the much hyped series premiere of Terra Nova, and all the shows I couldn't watch this week, like 2 Broke Girls and Prime Suspect.

So Marc Anthony and Jennifer Lopez Are Getting Divorced

Well that was certainly.... expected. I'm frankly surprised they lasted 7 years, being married in 2004, less than a week after Marc Anthony's divorce to former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres was finalized. Marc Anthony, real name Marco Antonio Muñiz, and Jennifer Lopez had previously dated in the 90s before Lopez's 2nd marriage and Muñiz's 1st marriage. No one was really that surprised to see the 2 long-time friends get married, but it was surprising to see how quickly the whole thing happened after Muñiz and Torres had allegedly reconciled.

The couple has fraternal twins, Emme Maribel and Maximilian David, whose photos were first shown exclusively to People for $6 million. At this point, the divorce proceedings are in its early stages, so the issue of custody hasn't been discussed yet. The Muñiz family are partial owners of the Miami Dolphins, which is probably the only reason I'm bothering to cover this story, other than it's funny how Hispanic people's opinion of Lopez has hit rock-bottom since her marriage to Muñiz, many seeing her as a home wrecker, but Muñiz and Torres had well-known marital problems.

FOX Drops the Guillotine!

You've probably heard this joke before, it's so old that Married... With Children made jokes about it when David Garrison was still on the show. Here's how it goes:

Hey, you know that underrated show on FOX that does OK in the ratings but stands no chance to beat its competition on rival networks despite how good the show is? Well, guess what? It was cancelled after being on the air for only a season and in a highly competitive time slot! Not only that, but FOX made sure no one could watch it by changing its time slot more than once!

Yes, the infamous FOX Death Trap has happened once again. These days, FOX has a method to their madness:

1. Green-light a show with a questionably solid premise.
2. Don't cast any bankable stars.
3. Place premiere episode immediately after an existing show with solid ratings.
4. If critically praised, allow the show to run for 5 episodes. If critics hated it, cancel it immediately.
5. If ratings are good, allow it to stay at its current time slot for 5 more episodes.
6. Whether or not the show was good, after 10 episodes the show is now in a time slot competing with other network's struggling shows, generally Wednesday or Friday.
7. If viewers follow the show to its new timeslot, renew it for a 2nd season. If no one really gave a shit about the show, cancel it immediately.
8. In the 2nd season, change the show's timeslot just for shits n' giggles. If people follow the show to its even newer timeslot, I guess the show can survive.
9. If the 2nd season had good ratings still, move the show to Monday or Tuesday and see what happens. If the ratings do down even the slightest, cancel it immediately.
10. If the show is a cartoon made by Matt Groening or Seth MacFarlane, put it on Sunday night and let it run no matter what.

Today, FOX followed their formula and cancelled five shows. Human Target, The Chicago Code, Lie to Me, Breaking In, and Traffic Light have all been cancelled. None of these shows ever got the following that FOX wanted and thus, all have been cancelled. It seems these days that FOX loves to green-light comedies and then just let them attempt to compete with CBS, NBC, and ABC's lineups without caring if the shows are any good, then cancelling them once a bankable star wants a television show or ZOMG, A NEW DRAMA IS LOOKING FOR A NETWORK.

Next season, FOX has already green-lit 5 new shows, and based on their premises, none seem doomed to fail. Alcatraz is a show produced by J.J. Abrams, creator of Lost and Fringe, starring Jorge Garcia (Lost) and Sam Neill (Jurassic Park) in a story about former Alcatraz inmates who disappear and then reappear many years later.

The New Girl stars Zooey Deschanel in a half hour comedy about an elementary school teacher who moves in with 3 guys. With Deschanel getting her own show on FOX, she joins her sister, Emily, on the same network. Emily Deschanel, of course, stars as the main character on Bones.

Speaking of Bones, it's getting a spinoff starring a character recently introduced to the show, a military vet with brain damage who has a strange talent for finding pretty much anything or anyone. Obviously, the show is being called Finder. It's got a pretty similar premise to Bones, but it also has similarities to House, starring someone who has a talent for solving a mystery in an hour while also having some kind of goofiness in their personality, whether it be their arrogantness, their eccentricity, or them being brain damaged. Finder is obviously the new show with the least potential.

I Hate my Teenage Daughter is a comedy starring Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl) and Katie Finneran (Wonderfalls) as two women who come to the shocking realization that their daughters have turned into the mean bitches who used to torture them in high school.

Lastly, Terra Nova is expected to finally make its debut next season as they delayed the premiere thanks to the CGI being downright awful before the show was set to air as a midseason replacement in May. It's a hotly anticipated show produced by Steven Spielberg about Earth's extinction in 2149. Humanity's last hope for survival is to go back in time 85 million years ago and hopefully extend the lifetime of the human race. The show centers on the Shannon family as they go to Terra Nova, the first colony established in the past. But once they go there, they find that the threat of the dinosaurs is going to be much more difficult to avoid that previously thought. FOX already ordered 10 episodes and the show has a budget of $4 million each, so it's obvious FOX has faith in it, a rarity for the network. Terra Nova is set to become FOX's smash hit of next season or one of the biggest television bombs in recent history.

At this point, it's unknown whether FOX will cancel anymore shows, because at the moment, Fringe has been spared the cutting block despite airing on Friday nights. Fringe, ironically enough, only attracts fringe viewers who would rather watch it than Smallville. Luckily for FOX, once Smallville airs its final episode this Friday, no other network will have any shows on Friday nights that consist of drama or comedy, only newsmagazine and reality shows.

The Battle of the News Anchor Babes is ON!

I remember when CNN vs Fox News was about unbiased journalism against conservative propaganda. Apparently, most people want to hear news with a slant, so they love to tune into Fox's opinion based shows, Fox and Friends, America Live, Your World with Neil Cavuto, Glenn Beck, The O'Reilly Factor, and Hannity. That's a hell of a lot of opinion based shows for a network that claims to be "Fair and Balanced." Those shows are all at least an hour long, America Live being 2 hours long and Fox and Friendsbeing 3 hours long. That's 9 hours of conservative slant programming, but many of those shows are broadcast more than once per day. The total amount of biased programming on Fox throughout the entire day is actually 13 hours, more than half of our oh-so-dear 24 hour day.

So what does any of that have to do with anything? Well, in CNN's effort to increase their ratings, they've attempted to make their own opinion based shows, which all fail miserably.Their latest project, Parker Spitzer, failed so hard in ratings and in host chemistry that Kathleen Parker had to leave and now Eliot Spizer remains with his own show, In the Arena, which is also not doing so hot. One of the projects that did work for a while was Rick Sanchez as the 3-5pm ET timeslot host of CNN Newsroom. Unfortunately, Sanchez just had to make some comments about CNN's executives that were anti-Semitic in nature while claiming that he has had a difficult career as a Latino journalist in English media., even though he is a light-skinned Cuban who started their career in Miami, the easiest place for someone like Sanchez to get ahead.

After Sanchez's firing, CNN replaced him with Don Lemon initially, but poor Lemon has zero charisma and flopped hard. Instead, CNN tried the Fox News formula and placed frequent Sanchez guest Brooke Baldwin as host instead. While Baldwin has thus far tried to avoid having an opinion based show, there's no denying that her place on the network has become the other cornerstone that Fox loves to have: hot babes doing the news!

The host of America Live, Megyn Kelly (yes, that's how she spells her name...), is also incredibly hot even though her opinions are fucking stupid. There's little one can do about Kelly though, she is a former attorney after all. Even though Kelly is dumb as bricks in things outside of law (and that's debatable), she is super super hot and awesome to look at. Brooke Baldwin is a super hot redhead and is on only an hour after Megyn Kelly is off the air!

It's quite a dilemma really, what to watch, actual news with a fiery hot redhead or opinionated bantering with a blonde bombshell.

I really don't even care anymore, I just get my real news sent to me from Reuters and the AP.

Update: Apparently, Brooke recently missed almost a week of work because she was diagnosed with a very mild form of skin cancer and had the tumor removed from her nose. She returned to the airwaves today sporting the cutest placed Band-Aid I have ever seen, as can be seen in this video where Brooke acknowledges her predominantly male fanbase.

Mahou Sentai Magiranger

Mahou Sentai Magiranger (Magic Task Force) was the first Super Sentai I saw from beginning to end. I watched the Hyakujuu Sentai Gaoranger movie back in 2002, but nothing beyond that until one day I punched into Youtube "Japanese Power Rangers" and got a video of the opening of Magiranger.



It was ridiculous, it was over-the-top, it was downright silly, and holy shit it made me want to see more. The video I saw actually had subtitles and I was able to locate the name of a website that specialized in doing fansubs for tokusatsu shows like Kamen Rider and Super Sentai. After watching Magiranger, I was hooked on Sentai and could never again watch Power Rangers the same way. I quickly discovered the past Sentai shows and how things had been changed for the American versions as well as researching how successful some shows were compared to others. For example, Choriki Sentai Ohranger, adapted in America as Power Rangers Zeo, actually almost got Super Sentai cancelled because of how atrocious it was. It was Gekisou Sentai Carranger, adapted here as Power Rangers Turbo, that actually saved Super Sentai because of how utterly ridiculous it was and totally self-referential without getting overtly serious or incredibly stupid like Ohranger did.

By the time Magiranger rolled around, Super Sentai was pretty much cemented as something that would not easily go away, since it was only one season away from the 30th Anniversary show, expected to be gigantic. At the time, I greatly enjoyed Magiranger and I hoped that Boukenger would be just as good.

It's been 5 years since I originally watched Magiranger, and hoo boy, that show had tons of pacing issues. Believe it or not, but Power Rangers Mystic Force ended up being a better show. Magiranger featured incredibly dull characters to the point that the most interesting character on the show was Wolzard, the main bad guy's right hand man. The only Magiranger who was even remotely interesting was MagiGreen, Makito, but he only got one episode dedicated to him and a scene of an episode dedicated to showing off the actor's English fluency.

This isn't saying that Magiranger was bad per se, only slightly above average. It wasn't really that special and featured probably my least favorite ensemble of any Sentai show I've seen. Next up, I'll review the show that got my interest in Super Sentai locked in forever, GoGo Sentai Boukenger.

Super Sentai and Kamen Rider

Today, I'm going to be covering something that I haven't before, and something that doesn't get a lot of attention from Western audiences: Super Sentai and Kamen Rider.

Super Sentai is more commonly known as Power Rangers outside of Japan, but don't be deceived, Super Sentai is not simply Power Rangers in Japanese. On the above picture is the newest Super Sentai, the 35th Anniversary show, Kaizoku Sentai Gokaiger (Pirate Task Force Gokaiger, and yes, Gokaiger is a totally made up word). The Gokaigers are space pirates from another planet with, of course, the ability to speak perfect Japanese. Besides simply being a pirate-themed Sentai, they also possess the unique ability to transform into any previous Sentai, regardless of color or gender. Already demonstrated in the 2nd episode was the entire team transforming into red rangers with the two girls gaining skirts when they transform. Gokaiger is also notable for being... well incredibly violent even by Sentai standards. While it's normal for Sentai to feature blood and on-screen permanent character deaths, it's still rare for Sentai guns to fire blanks rather than lasers. Gokaiger is only 2 episodes in, but the series is quickly moving forward to feature what seems to be as many previous Sentai actors as possible.

On the top left is the latest Kamen Rider show, Kamen Rider OOO. Kamen Rider has received two American adaptations: Saban's Masked Rider, adapted from Kamen Rider Black RX, and Kamen Rider Dragon Knight, adapted from Kamen Rider Ryuki. Masked Rider was an incredibly poor and cheap adaptation of Black RX, cancelled because Saban ran out of Black RX footage and because ratings were downright atrocious. Dragon Knight was the 2nd attempt to bring Kamen Rider to the US, but while it featured good ratings and good reviews by Kamen Rider fans, CW's incredibly stupid policies led to the show being cancelled with 2 episodes left to air. It seems that the CW 4Kids requires seasons to end before December 31. If a season does not finish airing by then, it will not be considered for renewal and will be automatically cancelled. This fallout has led most to speculate that Kamen Rider may never again see the light of day on American television.

Kamen Rider follows a similar format to Super Sentai/Power Rangers, but varies in having typically only one hero and a few supporting cast members that typically total around 3-5 cast members (Kamen Rider Ryuki being an extremely notable exception). They are called "Riders" because they ride motorcycles, although some Kamen Riders have become notorious for rarely riding their bikes and some Riders (typically the secondary or evil Riders) not having motorcycles. Kamen Rider also typically has a darker and more mature tone than that of Super Sentai, even though both are targeted towards children. Not like you'd notice of course, since Japan has very different standards than the US does.

Actors who have appeared in Super Sentai and Kamen Rider have admitted that because of the deep storytelling, mature themes, and permanent character death, the two shows really should be considered family shows, as opposed to children's shows. Because of the mature themes compared to what Americans get with Power Rangers, Americans tend to view the two shows as being for a teenage audience.

Stay tuned, I'll be posting my reviews of the Super Sentai and Kamen Rider shows I've seen and I'll even post my thoughts on who did it better: Super Sentai or Power Rangers.

Playboy TV

I haven't been up to much this last month, just enjoying games I haven't finished yet (notably GTA4, I still haven't finished the Complete Edition) and enjoying Playboy TV! Playboy TV is one of the greatest channels on television and you get more "bang" for your buck than you would from getting a subscription to HBO/Cinemax or Showtime. Playboy TV isn't just a TV version of the magazine like it used to be back in the 90s. Since then, Playboy bought the Spice Channel and now broadcasts hardcore porn movies at night. Night Calls is being phased out due to the phone sex phenomena dying out in favor of sexting and is being replaced by shows like Totally Busted, a Candid Camera clone with naked porn stars, Foursome, a "reality" show taking two girls and two guys and giving them lots of sex toys and booze and seeing what goes, and of course, the continuing of Naughty Amateur Home Videos, formerly the only show on Playboy TV that showed both penises and both oral and vaginal penetration.

There's a few new shows that are regular length TV shows that are basically nothing but hardcore porn, Bang U, Hardcore Partying, and Dropout Delinquents. This trend in Playboy TV becoming more of a porno channel clearly has to do with garnering more subscribers and the people behind the channel know exactly why readership of the magazine is down. In case that wasn't enough for you, you also get Playboy TV en Español which is a lot more like Playboy TV 10 years ago (and strangely enough mostly in English event though it's broadcast as being in Spanish), but still broadcasts hardcore porn and some of the porn shows late at night. Usually the two Playboy channels broadcast their movies at the same time so if you don't like one movie you can change the channel and "watch" the other one.

My biggest problem with Playboy TV though is how infrequently new episodes come. Once. per. week. Of every show. I've seen the same tits, the same pussies. the same cocks for all of a week waiting for new fucking episodes of these shows which I will supposedly get tomorrow. But hey, I can't complain, I'm watching hardcore porn on my 42" TV.

Hollywood Award Shows: Why They're "Out of Touch"

According to the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences, this was the best movie of 2005.

The Emmys and the Oscars, the cream of the crop in awards in television and film. They're also well known today for being almost hilariously out of touch with the general public. Or are they? Are the Emmys really just an organization that is easily influenced by campaigns for votes, "very special episodes," and completely out of character or out of premise episodes? Are the Oscars easily influenced by movies that were not blockbusters, movies written by talented newcomers, or giving awards to people for a lifetime of work even if someone else deserves the award more? Well...... quite frankly, yes.

Most people don't realize this, but the acting and writing awards at the Emmys are awarded for individual episodes, not the past season. Because of this rule, it is not uncommon for shows to contain "very special" episodes. You know the kind of episode, the one where a supporting character with no previous personal problems develops a drug habit, finds out they're adopted, a cousin we never knew existed is gay, a previously unseen parent is revealed to not care at all about their kids, etc.! As such, it is pretty common for someone to win an acting award for an episode deliberately written as what can be called "Emmy Bait." This applies even more so to animated and children shows because they can only apply for one award which is based on one episode. Next time the Emmys are on, do your research beforehand and see what episodes actors and writers are being nominated for rather than the actor's performance overall or the show's writing the past season.

When it comes to the Oscars, politics become even more evident. Although some people believe that the Academy chooses to deliberately nominate poor performing, pretentious, independent movies, the truth is that the voters have poor memories and will generally only remember movies released in the last 2 months before the deadline. As such, studios will sometimes deliberately delay the release of a movie until December, hoping that it will be nominated for as many awards as possible. Of course, this is only a small part of the politics, such as there is Emmy Bait, there is also Oscar Bait.

A gladiator movie. A story about a mentally ill genius. A popular Broadway musical. A fantasy epic. A woman in a man's world told she cannot succeed. People dealing with their racial prejudices. A gangster movie. A movie based on a book of little notoriety. A movie based on another book of little notoriety, but this time taking place in a foreign country. A topical war movie without a political message. Do these movies sound familiar? They should, they are (in order) Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, The Lord of the Rings, Million Dollar Baby, Crash, The Departed, No Country for Old Men, Slumdog Millionaire, and The Hurt Locker: the winners of Best Picture from the last 10 years. Of these 10 movies, seven are considered Oscar Bait. Today, only Gladiator, The Lord of the Rings, and The Hurt Locker continue to get praise.

What about the acting Oscars? How many of those are truly deserved? Out of the 4 acting categories, the winners of Best Supporting Actor and Actress probably deserve their awards the most, but not always. Probably two of those "undeserved" awards recently given out are to Dame Judi Dench in Shakespeare in Love and Alan Arkin in Little Miss Sunshine. While there's no doubting their acting talents, the amount of screen time they have in their respective movies is minimal at best. In Dench's case, she was more awarded for her career of work rather than playing Queen Elizabeth for 10 minutes. In Arkin's case, he was awarded for his long career as well as playing a character made memorable by good writing, not good acting.

Holocaust movie. Movie based on a book. Lead character is illiterate. Movie ends with lead actor wearing heavy makeup. Lead actress appears nude. Successfully nominated for tons of awards. Only succeeded in a Best Actress award for Kate Winslet, mostly awarded for her career of work rather than this one film.

Play a real person in a movie. Play someone with mental health issues. Play a real person with mental health issues. Play a real person with mental health issues during the Holocaust. PLAY A REAL PERSON WITH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES DURING THE HOLOCAUST WHO IS GAY. Oscar. Doesn't fail. Even if the movie itself fails to win Oscars, the actors probably will.

Of course, Oscar Bait doesn't always work....

Movie based on a Broadway musical. Award winning cast. Made by the same crew as a previous Oscar winner. Extremely negative reviews and poor box office returns. Successfully nominated for 4 academy awards and 5 Golden Globes. Yet, it won a whopping zero of those awards.