FOX Drops the Guillotine!

You've probably heard this joke before, it's so old that Married... With Children made jokes about it when David Garrison was still on the show. Here's how it goes:

Hey, you know that underrated show on FOX that does OK in the ratings but stands no chance to beat its competition on rival networks despite how good the show is? Well, guess what? It was cancelled after being on the air for only a season and in a highly competitive time slot! Not only that, but FOX made sure no one could watch it by changing its time slot more than once!

Yes, the infamous FOX Death Trap has happened once again. These days, FOX has a method to their madness:

1. Green-light a show with a questionably solid premise.
2. Don't cast any bankable stars.
3. Place premiere episode immediately after an existing show with solid ratings.
4. If critically praised, allow the show to run for 5 episodes. If critics hated it, cancel it immediately.
5. If ratings are good, allow it to stay at its current time slot for 5 more episodes.
6. Whether or not the show was good, after 10 episodes the show is now in a time slot competing with other network's struggling shows, generally Wednesday or Friday.
7. If viewers follow the show to its new timeslot, renew it for a 2nd season. If no one really gave a shit about the show, cancel it immediately.
8. In the 2nd season, change the show's timeslot just for shits n' giggles. If people follow the show to its even newer timeslot, I guess the show can survive.
9. If the 2nd season had good ratings still, move the show to Monday or Tuesday and see what happens. If the ratings do down even the slightest, cancel it immediately.
10. If the show is a cartoon made by Matt Groening or Seth MacFarlane, put it on Sunday night and let it run no matter what.

Today, FOX followed their formula and cancelled five shows. Human Target, The Chicago Code, Lie to Me, Breaking In, and Traffic Light have all been cancelled. None of these shows ever got the following that FOX wanted and thus, all have been cancelled. It seems these days that FOX loves to green-light comedies and then just let them attempt to compete with CBS, NBC, and ABC's lineups without caring if the shows are any good, then cancelling them once a bankable star wants a television show or ZOMG, A NEW DRAMA IS LOOKING FOR A NETWORK.

Next season, FOX has already green-lit 5 new shows, and based on their premises, none seem doomed to fail. Alcatraz is a show produced by J.J. Abrams, creator of Lost and Fringe, starring Jorge Garcia (Lost) and Sam Neill (Jurassic Park) in a story about former Alcatraz inmates who disappear and then reappear many years later.

The New Girl stars Zooey Deschanel in a half hour comedy about an elementary school teacher who moves in with 3 guys. With Deschanel getting her own show on FOX, she joins her sister, Emily, on the same network. Emily Deschanel, of course, stars as the main character on Bones.

Speaking of Bones, it's getting a spinoff starring a character recently introduced to the show, a military vet with brain damage who has a strange talent for finding pretty much anything or anyone. Obviously, the show is being called Finder. It's got a pretty similar premise to Bones, but it also has similarities to House, starring someone who has a talent for solving a mystery in an hour while also having some kind of goofiness in their personality, whether it be their arrogantness, their eccentricity, or them being brain damaged. Finder is obviously the new show with the least potential.

I Hate my Teenage Daughter is a comedy starring Jaime Pressly (My Name is Earl) and Katie Finneran (Wonderfalls) as two women who come to the shocking realization that their daughters have turned into the mean bitches who used to torture them in high school.

Lastly, Terra Nova is expected to finally make its debut next season as they delayed the premiere thanks to the CGI being downright awful before the show was set to air as a midseason replacement in May. It's a hotly anticipated show produced by Steven Spielberg about Earth's extinction in 2149. Humanity's last hope for survival is to go back in time 85 million years ago and hopefully extend the lifetime of the human race. The show centers on the Shannon family as they go to Terra Nova, the first colony established in the past. But once they go there, they find that the threat of the dinosaurs is going to be much more difficult to avoid that previously thought. FOX already ordered 10 episodes and the show has a budget of $4 million each, so it's obvious FOX has faith in it, a rarity for the network. Terra Nova is set to become FOX's smash hit of next season or one of the biggest television bombs in recent history.

At this point, it's unknown whether FOX will cancel anymore shows, because at the moment, Fringe has been spared the cutting block despite airing on Friday nights. Fringe, ironically enough, only attracts fringe viewers who would rather watch it than Smallville. Luckily for FOX, once Smallville airs its final episode this Friday, no other network will have any shows on Friday nights that consist of drama or comedy, only newsmagazine and reality shows.